NemesisMatch

We are so excited to be launching NemesisMatch. You have until Monday, December 21st at 11:59 PM to fill out NemesisMatch…. and maybe meet the Jerry to your Tom, the V*ldemort to your Harry, the graduate student workers union to your President Bollinger.

You can take the quiz below, or take it full screen by pressing “Launch NemesisMatch” or pressing here.

NOTE: If you are on a mobile device, take NemesisMatch here or by copy & pasting: https://bit.ly/nemesismatch.

  Launch NemesisMatch   

Follow @NemesisMatch on Instagram for updates:

NemesisMatch has been released. We wish you all the best. If you get married💍, tag us in the pics and invite us to the wedding (we expect excellent goodie bags). If you have another good story, tag us in the pics and invite us to the duel if there is one.
😈😈😈😇😇😇
IF YOU HAVE NOT RECEIVED YOUR MATCH: This is part of Columbia’s email server’s war on comedy. It will likely be in your email digest, which people typically receive in the wee hours of the morning. If you do not see it there or in your spam (because lets be real, we are trash), please shoot us tomorrow an email at thenemesismatch@gmail.com

We’ve been really overwhelmed with the numbers of emails we’ve received asking for extensions. So we’ve decided TO ⚠️ EXTEND THE NEMESISMATCH DEADLINE UNTIL TOMORROW AT NOON EST ⚠️ mag the odds be in your favor 😈

Closes at midnight tonight…..

You have 12 hours left to send this to all of your nemesis!!! Make sure to complete NemesisMatch before the jig is up at midnight tonight!

Want to know who has taken NemesisMatch so far? Apparently 40% of the 1400+ of you who have taken NemesisMatch are people who think that they got into Columbia by writing a great essay about why they LOVE the core? If that doesn’t make you want to take NemesisMatch, I don’t know what will… Fill it out and send to your friends by the 21st!

Don’t worry, we’ll find you someone 💔 plenty of people hate you 😇😈

NemesisMatch is LIVE! Link in bio. It can also be found on our website at www.columbiafederalist.com/NemesisMatch. Let the games begin! 😇😈
It’s time 💔 keep your friends close, but your nemesis closer.

We asked, you submitted, you asked again. Of the over 250 nemeses you have told us to notify, there seem to be some patterns….
LAUNCH at 9 pm 🚀 are you excited?

So far, over 200 of you want to make sure that your nemesis takes NemesisMatch (launching at 9 pm tonight)! The form to ⚠️Notify Your Nemesis⚠️ is still in our bio.
An alarming number of you derived your nemeses based on who gave you COVID (ok fair), reserving seats in Butler w/ odd items (ok fair), and who is marrying your parent (ok fair). Overall, these seem like decent reasons. 🤷‍♂️
In conclusion, (1) practice social distancing and wear a mask, (2) FILL OUT NEMESIS TODAY AT 9 PM. We will share the link on all of our platforms then.

NemesisMatch launches in 24 hours. Get. Ready.
You can still submit your nemesis in our bio.

"Neither can live while the other survives." 😇 😈
No, this isn’t a prophecy about Harry Potter and Voldemort, but rather one about the ongoing feud between Prezbo and the Grad Student Union.
It seems that many of you have already crossed paths with a Columbia enemy, but are they truly your nemesis? Put that rivalry to the test and see if they really are the worst person out there for you. Whether they support J.K. Rowling ⚡️🤮 , drink cow’s milk 🥛, or have taken Principles with Gulati📈, we guarantee we’ll find you a match made in hell.
⚠️ Click the link in our bio to anonymously ask your enemies and frenemies to sign up for the Fed’s @NemesisMatch. And be sure to fill out the survey, dropping TOMORROW, to find your Columbia counterweight. ⚠️

⚠️ANONYMOUSLY ASK YOUR ENEMIES & FRENEMIES TO FILL OUT NEMESISMATCH⚠️
Report your nemesis to us and we’ll make sure to let them know their participation is desired.
Remember that time you and your enemy fought about the merits of socialism?! What if there’s someone else out there who likes Taylor Swift’s later work AND loves capitalism. There’s only one way to find out if they’re your true enemy.
😇 LAUNCH ON WEDNESDAY 👿

Frequently Asked Questions:

+ Is my data Private?

No, your data is a Lieutenant. And you will address your Command Sergeant Major as, Is my data private, sir. Am I understood, Sergeant? (note: lol haha your data is actually private and only your email and name will be shared with your match).

+ How sophisticated is your matching algorithm?

So sophisticated. I once saw the matching algorithm hosting a Soiree with Coq Au Vin and Pissaladiere paired with a robust Languedoc-Roussillon.

+ Why should I rather find my nemesis than my future lover?

Love doesn’t last, man. We’ve all seen the pinterest art of a love between two sentient matches whose love ‘burns out’ too quickly. We don’t want to assume, but all love is like that. We’re all just sentient matches just waiting for a partner as a means of self-immolation. But, your nemesis won’t light you on fire (unless that’s why they are your nemesis).

+ What happens if I fall in love with my nemesis?

Invite us to the wedding and make sure you have expensive giveaways. I want to leave with a pair of Raybans and a purebred Golden Retriever.

+ I already have a nemesis, should I still take this?

You gotta spread the wealth! If 2020 has taught the team of NemesisMatch anything, it’s that the world needs more hate.

+ What is the difference between an enemy, someone you don’t really vibe with, and a nemesis?

An enemy is a foe, someone you don’t really vibe with is someone you text “hey, so sorry I’m just seeing this”, an anemone is a creature of the sea, and a nemesis is an antagonist and usually creature of the land. Hope that cleared things up 🙂

Anonymously ask your nemesis to fill out NemesisMatch: