Have you been enjoying The Fed’s content this year? Love the creative direction? Well, I hate to break it to you, but The Fed is run by SECRET NEPO BABIES. See the evidence below.
Dani Winkler, Feditor-in-Chief: a Winkler from LA? Do I even need to spell this out? Dani is the granddaughter (or secret illegitimate daughter – my sources aren’t yet clear) of esteemed actor Henry Winkler. That’s right, America: the Fonz has ties to The Fed.
Olivia Ruble, Feditor-in-Chief: This one’s been more well-hidden, but Olivia is a long-lost descendant of the Romanoffs, the Russian imperial family. The key is in her last name: RUBLE, aka the Russian currency. Imagine being so old money it’s literally your last name. Don’t worry, Princess Anastasia of Anastasia (1997) fame. Your legacy will live on in this literal queen.
Sylvi Stein, Managing Editor: A Stein in Art? Please. Say hi to Gertrude for me! We miss you diva <3
Ashley Rapp, Head Submissions Editor: Renée Rapp’s half-sister. NEXT!
Oliver Green, Head Submissions Editor: This is too easy, gang. This History Major nepo king is following in the mighty footsteps of his parents, gay married couple John and Hank Green, who are two white guys who LOVE history. Take us to the ThoughtBubble!!
Dani Rivera, Arts Editor: The Latin club diva roots go deep – Dani spawned directly from Chita Rivera, THE original Latin diva, of course. It’s difficult to imagine that this familial connection didn’t help Dani land their coveted role as Arts Editor at Columbia’s premier satirical publication.
So there you have it. The Fed E-Board has been overrun by nepo babies. It’s only me, Izzy Coppolla-Apatow-Paltrow-Kardashian-Jenner-Kravitz-Chopra-Jonas-Szyfer, to take a stand for meritocracy and protect the rest of this publication from the onslaught of the nepo baby affront.
