Upon returning from club lacrosse practice, Kyle Reynolds CC ’27 reportedly made white rap history when he dumped his equipment inconveniently in his suite’s common space, whipped out his Spotify Premium account, and began to blast the opening bars of Chamillionaire’s “Ridin’ Dirty.” “This one’s gonna be epic, dude,” he declared, before singing off-key — a choice that onlookers would later describe as “busting a sick beat.” The audience attempted to bump-and-grind to the noise, but failed, as the only dance that most of them were familiar with was Cotton Eye Joe. Regardless, members of the crowd reported that Reynolds’ performance was “brave,” “groundbreaking,” and “very cool and easy to watch.” At press time, Kyle had queued up a Kanye West song, promising his adoring fans that he is “about to tell [them] who’s in Paris.”
The Next Eminem? Hartley Common Room Erupts Into Cheers After Student Athlete Raps in Blaccent
by Anna Rosenbloom and Sylvi Stein
