After recent backlash due to the arrest and expulsion of multiple students alongside the forwarding of an unsuccessful Op-Ed via email, President Rosenbury has agreed to team up with YouTuber Shane Dawson to “save her reputation.” This decision, though unexpected in formatting, comes as no shock to those who have been receiving insensitive and vague emails from the president all year urging for “community” with no tangible suggestions for discourse or recognition of the polarizing environment cultivated on campus.
The documentary, titled “The Police State of Laura Rosenbury,” will consist of three 30-minute episodes where Dawson will try to convince audiences to empathize with yet another controversial individual whose criticized actions he can easily excuse and vouch for because he has never been directly affected by them.
The first episode of the docuseries will begin with Dawson dressing up as President Rosenbury and living a day “in her world.” The costume, akin to the puppet held outside of Milstein on March 5, consists of a gaudy colored blazer and streaky blonde lob, which will allow Dawson to “get into character” as he shadows the president on campus. The episode will mainly follow Rosenbury’s running through, and away from, Barnard with extreme rigor as she avoids the hundreds of students calling for her resignation. Dawson is said to have added “ominous music” and “black and white freeze-frames” to further the narrative of “dangerous” masked students on campus.
The second episode of the series will touch on the alleged “$30,000” in damages reported from the recent Milbank Hall sit-in. Rosenbury is said to walk Dawson through the few hallways adorned with stickers and marker writings, two things easily coverable with regular paint, whilst overlays of student chants and a red-toned filter create the illusion that this budget for damages seems “reasonable.” This episode will primarily hone in on the “dangerous nature” of public displays of protest as a means of discounting the actual issues raised by students. Slow-motion effects and voice modifiers will serve as the primary narrative argument for the documentary team as they fearmonger.
The final episode of the docuseries will delve into Rosenbury’s past to find any sort of emotional bait that can overshadow the physical and emotional harm she has inflicted on Barnard’s campus. Insider intel on the series reveals that Dawson seems to have taken the bullying angle to defend the president’s fear of students and critique. This particular appeal to emotion presented difficulty as the shoulders and shadows of Rosenbury’s multi-person security team penetrated each video frame.
The docuseries—which has been preemptively censored from CLIO—is set to drop in the coming weeks alongside a new merch collaboration between Dawson and The Barnard Store.
