Last Saturday, senior advisor Elon Musk stepped into work after a long night of playing video games, tending to a fire started by dollar bills, and a strange dream involving a ghost shackled down by his own greed. Like any good businessman, he went to check his email: Ah, just Vance thanking him for his brand-new monogrammed massage couch, and… what’s this? An email from someone outside the organization? But how could they get past Musk’s easily distracted, pubescent team?
Curious, Elon clicked on the email with the subject “Who did you do last week?” from grumpycat69@blazeit.za—a name he certainly appreciated. In it, he found a short and rather curt email, reading:
Please reply to this email with approx. 5 bullets of what your children accomplished last week and CC their mothers. Please do not send any identifying information, links, or attachments. Deadline is this Monday at 4:20 PM EST. Failure to respond will be taken as resignation from your post as Dad.
Immediately Musk felt a surge of anger. How dare anyone send him such an email, foolishly questioning his parenting of… oh what’s that new bugger’s name? Sean? And didn’t X Æ A-12 take his first steps recently? Or was that a different child?
Whatever, stupid phishers, Musk thought as he deleted the email. I can always just bribe the child custody judges.
