toothbrush tussle: NOUN, a battle between
two people at a communal bathroom
sink over who can brush for longer
and therefore be better and smarter
and win at life
I don’t exactly have straight A’s, and I always get cut in line for my quesadillas at JJ’s
But if I could win a toothbrush tussle all would be right with the world
I tripped from the very top of Low Steps, and a SEAS dweeb made fun of MY biceps,
But if I could win a toothbrush tussle all would be right with the world
My econ professor cold-called me, and I recently decided to grow a goatee
But if I could win a toothbrush tussle all would be right with the world
Everyone who’s anyone has felt that brushing burden
When you’re at the basins and have company
Looking over, you’re scared, but there’s no curtain
Your companion is scouring their chompers exultantly!!
What choice is there but to go stroke for stroke??
I do my darnedest to match their pageantry
Nevertheless, it seems that time after time I’m the one to choke
I’m an eternal wannabe
I’ve worked on my form, my stamina, my enthusiasm—to no avail!
I’m open to any suggestions one might proffer
It’s no use! It’s like Armstrong expecting us to check our email
I’ve simply exhausted my emotional coffers
I would happily weather any other struggle
If I could only win a goddamn toothbrush tussle
