Life as a Columbia student can be kinda stressful. High workloads, high academic standards, and high expectations can all make life on campus pretty intense. That’s why it’s so important to celebrate deliberate acts of self-care that recenter our own personal well-being. We at the Fed would like to take a moment to congratulate one of our fellow students for a courageous self-care win: Columbia sophomore Colin Nitkwitz has officially dropped out.
The move has made Colin’s life better in pretty much every way. “I don’t have to worry about another final for the rest of my life. I feel like I found Nirvana,” Colin reported while sipping a tropical cocktail with a little umbrella in it. “I should’ve done this a long time ago.”
When asked about what inspired Colin to take up such a drastic act of self-acceptance, he cited the revelatory experience of winter break. “I got back, and after like two weeks, I remembered that I have near-hourly mental breakdowns about school and that I actually don’t have to do it. Now I just sort of chill. It’s awesome.”
Critics have drawn attention to Colin’s diminishing career options after abandoning his degree in German Literature and Cultural History. “Oh, of course,” Colin responded, “because I was just drowning in career options earlier. I’m just gonna try to get famous with a podcast or start dealing drugs or something.” Colin isn’t certain about what exactly his future will look like, but he remains optimistic, saying, “The world’s probably going to end in the next 10 years anyway, so who even cares.”
