A major career move is making headlines in the mental illness industry—according to a press release posted on their Instagram story this morning, your Seasonal Depression has accepted a full-time role as Regular Depression. This decision is sure to make waves inside your chemically imbalanced mind!
Rumors about Seasonal Depression potentially taking this position were rampant, however they were all but unfounded until 9:30 AM today, when the rising star in the mental illness field made it official. “I’m thrilled to announce that effective immediately, I will become a permanent, year-round Depression,” the release read. “It’s a big change, but it’s one that I’m ready for. I’d like to first and foremost thank everyone involved with my time as Seasonal Depression. It was such an incredible, fulfilling period for me, and I wouldn’t be here without all of you.”
The release also looked forward to the future: “I couldn’t be more excited for this next project. It’s been my dream to serve as Regular Depression for a long time, and I’m so grateful to Your Genetics, Your Constant Stressors, and Your Traumatic Life Events for giving me a chance to step up and show Your Brain what I can do.”
While the promotion technically occurs immediately, most experts agree that the effects won’t be truly apparent until later this spring. Anonymous sources have reported that Depression intends to make its first major move in April. Sources close to the newly-promoted Depression revealed plans to mobilize when you’re studying on the lawns on a beautiful Spring day and realize this part-time problem is now a full-time burden.
