It was a love story out of one of those cheesy rom coms. John Jay was a lonely dining hall with nowhere to go. He felt stuck–like titanium beams holding him into the ground. Then, out of pure chance, he met Fac Shack. She was everything he wasn’t. She was mobile, petite, and had a beautiful silver bumper — hubba hubba! 
John Jay was enamored by her presence, and the water in his kitchen began to bubble with excitement. “What brings you here on this fine semester?” he asked Fac Shack in his greatest attempt at rizz.
“I was displaced from my home country, East Campus. Massive destruction (and construction) forced my migration to the unknown land,” replied Fac Shack.
“Well I’m happy you parked your caboose here.” Said John Jay with a wink.
Fac Shack’s tires began to spin with excitement.
After that things began to move fast. John Jay proposed to Fac Shack on Halloweekend, and by the end of midterm season they were happy newlyweds. After a romantic honeymoon on the corner of 114th street, Fac Shack realized she was pregnant.
On the 19th of January 2025, John Jay and Fac Shack welcomed a 30 ft 1.5 ton baby boy named Johnny into the Columbia Dining world. The baby boy had his mother’s tires, his mother’s color, his mother’s bumper–well actually he was pretty much an exact replica of his mother just with a different name (oh, the creativity!)
Unfortunately, the joy of having a newborn was quickly torn away from the happy couple. After Trump was inaugurated, he signed an executive order which called for the deportation of Fac Shack back to East Campus. John Jay will have to raise their son alone until Fac Shack receives a court date in 2045.
