New reports confirm that Barron Trump, in an attempt to juice up the attendance for his freshman-year birthday party at NYU, has proclaimed that one lucky partygoer will be selected to serve as Secretary of Commerce in the incoming Trump Administration. The Federalist has received and verified a link to the Partiful invitation, which reveals that partygoers can increase their chances by inviting two more people to the dorm party and posting screenshot confirmation in the comments section. Rumors have it that boosted odds may also be given to those who share videos of themselves burning copies of the Constitution, or ripping out the 22nd Amendment. Additionally, attendees are asked to Venmo @The_Donald_47 if they plan on drinking, since beers and two bottles of Titos will be available for guests. However, guests are encouraged to bring their own beer, resumes, or bribes, all of which will be shared with the Trump family. As of press time, all guests had ditched the party after Barron reportedly attempted to “get sturdy.”
Secretary of Commerce to be Determined by Who Attends Barron Trump’s Birthday
