In his last press conference as the sitting President of the United States, President Biden announced that he had finalized a deal with the fitness company SoulCycle to join the team as a cycling class instructor. SoulCycle beat out the luxurious gym, Equinox (yeah the one your mom goes to with Stacy every Tuesday and Thursday). Additionally, Dodge Fitness Center entered the competitive bidding war for the President’s expertise in stationary cycling but dropped out when Hilary Clinton offered to teach a Zumba class for 16.7% less money.
While President Biden did not share all the details of the contract, he noted that SoulCycle promised him a Chocolate Chip Vanilla protein shake after each lesson as an incentive. It was also reported that SoulCycle was the only bidding company that would allow Biden to wear his (way too) tight bike shorts during his lessons.
While most former presidents go on to write a book or lecture at a college, Biden decided that he wanted to spend his waning years teaching middle-aged women how to, “move those hips!” and that it’s his passion to “push these ladies beyond their comfort zone . . . wait I didn’t mean it like that.”
Mr. Biden expressed the appeal of the stationary bike to the reporters, whispering into the mic, “Listen, folks, get this, I’m serious, you can’t fall off a stationary bike. It’s awesome!” Starting January 21st, Biden is scheduled to teach the 4:00-4:10 class simulating a slow romantic ride along the beach (with a break in the middle to talk to reporters, of course).
As for Dr. Biden, she plans on taking EMS (emergency medical service) classes at the YMCA.
