Barnard: Organic Sour Giggles. No artificial dyes or flavors, non-GMO, gluten-free, vegan, and allergy-friendly. They are inclusive, environmentally friendly, and absolutely disgusting to most. Sneak all the packs of Giggles into that one environmental studies major’s tote bag—they love them!
SEAS: Grape-flavored Tootsie Pops. God knows that their students need the artificial sugar rush to keep them working on their coding homework as they miss the entirety of Halloweekend.
Columbia College: A weird hard candy you pulled out of a pumpkin-shaped bucket. The bucket stood unattended on a dark eerie front porch. You either wait in a long line for a disappointing payoff or when no one is looking you dump the whole thing in your bag.
GS: Werther’s Original Caramels that have been sitting in my grandma’s purse for two years. There’s probably a little lint still stuck to it but the wholesome intention is there, so you say thank you graciously and after walking away immediately trade it for a Twix.
The Journalism School: They sneak the razors into wrapped candies that your parents warned you about in elementary school. They want to stay relevant and in the news so bad. All tricks, no treats!
Teachers College: Nerds Gummy Clusters. They think it’s really funny to make a joke about how they’re a nerd when they hand it to you. (But we know they’re not nerds—they’re freaks.)
SIPA: Reese’s Assorted Milk Chocolate Snack Size Peanut Butter Shapes Halloween Candy. A Reese’s in the shape of a pumpkin, bat, or ghost because they forgot it was Halloween and bought them last minute on the way home from Hillary’s house. They think the fun shapes will remind you about the holiday that they forgot about. #Worldwide
