That shadowy oubliette you see skulking the hallways of Butler 8? The one you see out of the corner of your sleep-deprived eye when you’re cranking out that senior thesis? Turns out it’s not a ghost, just a postgrad.
A new report by GS (Ghost Studies) students has revealed that, far from being the first ghost to hit Columbia since your junior year Hinge date left you on read, the thing that moans occasionally as it wails around corners is actually just the PhD nerd spending another eight hours in Butler 8.
“I’ve seen more ghosts than postgrads in my three years here,” says Jimmy Loomis CU’25, head of the report team. “Do they even go here?”
Armed with a flashlight, spectrum cam, and EVP recorder, The Fed caught up with one of the alleged haunts.
“Verily, wouldst thou not agree that I am not yonder ghost?” murmured Wendy Strode.
Historic records (LinkedIn) allege that Strode is doing a “Master of Science in Engineering and Applied Science.”
“Tell you what’s scary: $120,000 in debt,” she said, “and no job prospects.”
