Hey you! Sick of being just another one of those lanky dweebs who blends into the background of every Halloweekend party? Every second wasted on school work or self care is a second you could spend pumping iron and getting huge! Well fear not, my friend, we at The Fed have a perfect 8-step exercise routine to make sure you get absolutely shredded this Halloweekend.
- Scaffolding pull-ups: when you’re waiting in the insane line to get into Slate, might as well get some reps in (est. 45 mins/20 sets)
- Cowboy crunches: every time you see someone with a cowboy hat of some sort, drop and give me 10 crunches! You’ll have washboard abs within an hour. (est. 5,000 sets)
- Eat an entire fucking pumpkin.
- Squat shots: You know the classic Fed motto: when you take a shot, you gotta hit that squat! (est. 20 for the weekend)
- Eat another pumpkin. You know you enjoyed it, you freak. Feel that sweet pumpkin protein go straight to your lats. That’s the stuff.
- Spooky bench press: have your friend select a mystery weight and bench it. Scary! (est. 3 sets / 10 reps)
- Don’t worry, I’ve got some more pumpkins for you. I know you wanna eat that shit up.
- Walking dead-lifts: dress up as a zombie and grab people at the party to deadlift them quickly (est. 1 set before you get kicked out)
