As thousands of wide-eyed freshmen join our Columbia community each fall, many undergo the rigorous process of trying to join various student groups that, unlike the Columbia Federalist, require an application. But unlike taxes and overly long Ferris lines, getting into these groups is not guaranteed.
In a heartbreaking scene on Tuesday, one eager freshman received an email from a group they had applied to. Their innocent anticipation was brought crashing down as they opened the email to find the following:
“As an AI language model, it is not within my programming to process your request to ‘obliterate this bum’s delusions of grandeur and get their ass the fuck out of my club.’ Instead, here’s a template for a rejection letter that maintains a respectful and empathetic tone:
[Your Name]
[Your Position]
[Group Name]
[Date]
[Recipient’s Name]
[Recipient’s Address]
Dear [Recipient’s Name],
Thank you for your interest in joining [Group Name]. We appreciate the time and effort you put into your application and the enthusiasm you showed during the selection process.
After careful consideration, we regret to inform you that we will not be able to offer you a position in the group at this time. This decision was difficult to make, as we received many applications from talented individuals. Ultimately, we had to select candidates whose skills and experiences align more closely with our current goals and activities.
We encourage you to stay involved in other campus activities and groups, as we believe you have much to offer. If you’d like, we would be happy to provide feedback on your application.
Thank you again for your interest, and we wish you the best in your future endeavors.
Warm regards,
[Your Name]
[Your Contact Information]
[Group Name]”
Not only had they been rejected via a letter blatantly written by ChatGPT, but one that the group had not even bothered to fill out first. There was nothing behind those words. No emotion, no regret, no feeling. An application rejection utterly devoid of reason and feeling. Left with an empty and emotionless rejection letter, one sentence burst from the crushed freshman: “If only I had joined the application-free Columbia Federalist instead!”
