Oopsies! After the University’s recent decision to return to restricted gate access, the Columbia administration suffered a calamity they did not anticipate: accidentally locking themselves out. That’s right. For the last four days, no one has been able to access Columbia’s campus except for Chef Don, who got locked in and has admitted to subsisting exclusively on Chef Mike’s pre-made cold subs and those little Ferris mints while sleeping in a Uris study room. Columbia’s administration has announced that they will shift to a less restrictive system as soon as possible, thereby creating a space where Columbia students might actually have the wonderful opportunity to access the campus they are paying for. How thoughtful!
