In a deeply moving scene on Tuesday, witnesses reported seeing a single metal tear sorrowfully fall from the left eye of the Alma Mater statue. Upon hearing about the normally-impassive statue shed a tear, the Fed took it upon themselves to investigate. It took some time to get the statue to open up, but eventually we were able to learn why the statue cried. As told to our writers, the statue dramatically shed the solitary tear after accepting that another school year had started without a single wide-eyed freshman sitting upon her metal knee. None had come to rest upon her and relay their fantastical hopes for the year, asking for impossibilities such as a short FacShack line, an easy LitHum class, or even a full week without the administration setting up a massive tent on Low Plaza. In fact, it had been so long since a student sat upon that metal knee and relayed their hopes and dreams that Alma looked brand-new, with no signs of students ever resting upon her cold metal lap. Time will only tell if this somewhat-beloved tradition returns to Alma Mater’s cold metal legs and warms her steel heart.
Single Metal Tear Falls From Alma Mater As No Freshman Sit On Her Knee, Give Wishes For Year
