WARNING: That NYU Man in Jorts Will NOT Save You!!!

As the school year kicks off, I must issue a warning to everyone attending Barnard/Columbia!! Whether you’re entering college or considering dabbling in a new dating pool, I have an urgent PSA: do NOT head down to Clandestinos and let a man wearing JNCOs and holding Seven Stars cigarettes buy you a Guinness. Do NOT watch his skate clips and the short films he edits and let him try to introduce you to Erykah Badu. Do NOT let him tell you how he actually started wearing jorts wayyyy before everyone else. Do NOT date a man from NYU! As soon as you see them stroll into Paul’s Baby Grand, walk past the raucous laughter and cigarette smoke coming from Washington Square Park, hear the roaring sounds of skateboards rolling down the street, or hear the word Stern dropped in a sentence, RUN! It is a canon experience for a member of the Barnard/Columbia community to be traumatized by a man from NYU. The ghost of their “quirky” presence will haunt you for the rest of your time in New York. Sage your room, and get out while you can!