We at The Federalist are proud to announce our first-of-its-kind, exclusive interview with a transgender extraterrestrial from the ❆❅❄ star system.“⟟ ⏃⋔ ⏃ ⏁⍀⏃⋏⌇☌⟒⋏⎅⟒,” it said, admiring the penis fountain near Low. A thought-provoking opinion that bears investigation, indeed. It didn’t stop there, however. “⏃ ⏚⟒⏁⏁⟒⍀ ⌰⟟⎎⟒ ⏃⋏⎅ ⍙⟒ ⏃⍀⟒ ⌿⍀⍜⎍⎅ ⍜⎎ ⟟⏁,” it declared in response to the former president’s statements last night. “⎎⟟⌇⊑. ⏚⎍⏚⏚⌰⟒⌇.” Chilling.
The alien ostensibly supports plans to build a laser dome around the planet to protect it from intergalactic vagrants, though it appeared to get nervous when asked about the possibility of the CIA authorizing agents to ask random extraterrestrials for paperwork. The interview abruptly concluded after it refused to elaborate on its plastic surgery status, anxiously requesting to remain anonymous as it climbed into its UFO and took off in a hurry.
