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Our Social Media Manager Inica with the Freaky Deaky Tips for Freshman Year!

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  1. Do not traumadump to the people on your floor that you adopt as temporary friends. Look, Cindy in 535 does not need to hear about how you were bullied by your entire third grade class and how your self-perception has been forever changed for the worse. She’ll probably tell her roommate, who will tell the RA, who will tell her 50-person close friends story. You’ll be a joke on Sidechat by the end of the week. 
  2. Don’t make dick jokes at Chef Mike’s. He is very easily offended and he will ice you out. You’ll be guaranteed the worst cuts of turkey and get way too much lettuce every time you go. It’s not worth it. Just save the phallic comments for the penis fountains. 
  3. Roar-ee isn’t hitting on you, he’s just naturally flirty. Look, we’ve all been there. Roar-ee comes up to you, nods enthusiastically when you tell him about yourself, pulls you close when you take a picture together. You’re hitting it off! You think there’s a spark or something. He seems interested… but he’s not. You’ll ask for his number and he’ll shake his head, and you will be mortified. He’ll back away, find some other girl to wrap his arm around. It’s whatever. It’s fine. 
  4. Figure out your Hooda Halal order ASAP. The correct answer is chicken over rice, extra white sauce, no tomato.
  5. Plan to quiet quit your NSOP friend group.
  6. If you get a caramel macchiato from Liz’s Place, make sure there’s a bathroom where you’re going.
  7. Roar-ee is NOT INTO YOU. Seriously. Sure, you lock eyes at a women’s basketball game, but you’re imagining the longing in his eyes. HE DOESN’T WANT YOU. He’s just being polite when he seems interested in chatting with you. He’s not looking for a relationship, at least, that’s what Cindy told you. And Cindy knows everyone’s relationship status. Maybe he’s looking for something casual?
  8. Join Fed. Write imaginary one-sided romantic scenarios about Roar-ee the Lion
  9. Sign up for at least ten clubs at the Club Fair. It is totally realistic to balance multiple extracurriculars at once. Plus, it’s a great way to oh-so casually bump into Roar-ee – whoops! Once he realizes you have the same interests in feminist philosophy and rock-climbing, that spark you see in his eyes can easily be kindled into a burning hot, passionate flame. Just don’t accidentally join Spec; that’s Roar-ee’s biggest turn-off, especially since the sports section never gets his good side. He’ll lose every shred of respect for you.
  10. If you are having serious thoughts about dating your roommate, email ivk2107@barnard.edu for a free consultation.