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Forget Getting Rejected by Your Crush, Here’s How to Deal With Getting Rejected From 27 Internships in a Row

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  1. Change your major.
  2. Doom-scroll on LinkedIn and comment on your connections’ announcements through your tears.
  3. Change LinkedIn status to #OpenToWork.
  4. Post “AMA: Student at Columbia University” on r/ApplyingToCollege.
  5. Drop out.
  6. Take the midnight (1) train going anywhere.
  7. Gorge yourself on JJs.
  8. Print out your resume, cut it into strips, and use it as rolling paper.
  9. Walk all the ramps in Lerner.
  10. Hold an unlit cigarette between your lips while standing in front of Butler because “you put the thing that does the killing right between your teeth, but you never give it the power to kill you.”
  11. Visit your high school to relive your glory days.
  12. Post “Barnard isn’t a part of Columbia” on Sidechat just to feel something.
  13. Call your mom. She misses you, but not as much as you think she does.