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Philosophy Major’s Guide to the Stupidest Questions to Ask a Philosophy Major

by
handwritten lines of white chalk
  1. Why are philosophy classes not always held in Philosophy Hall?

All humanities classes are in Hamilton, you idiot STEM major.

  1. Were all of the ancient Greek philosophers gay?

Actually, some of them were bi.

  1. What are you going to do with your degree when you graduate?

My thesis on Nietzschean abstraction will serve me well when I am Columbia’s first Baton Rouge-based Wendy’s Employee of the Month.

  1. Did you read all the assigned Contemporary Civilizations texts?

SparkNotes has done more for society than Kant ever did.

  1. What is the meaning of life?

We literally covered this on the first day of class. Keep up, dweeb.