As part of a new movement towards more on-campus dining options, Columbia has decided to open 58 new dining halls. While many thought the Fac Shack would be the last addition to an already crowded field of dining options, Chef Mike reportedly prophesized, “Screw that! We’re gonna cram a hall everywhere we can fit one!”
Among these new options include a few highlights: “Doritos N’ Dew” in the Wallach Gaming Lounge, the “Uris Pool Seafood Shed,” and the “Furnald Fruit Salad Bar,” devoted entirely to serving Ferris’s unique mixture of 1 part fruit to 2700 parts lettuce.
Rumors are beginning to circulate that this slew of new food options are actually a desperate ploy from Chef Mike to regain Columbia’s 2018 “Best Campus Dining” rating from The Daily Meal. Whether or not these new dining halls will reinstate Columbia’s culinary glory remains to be seen, but at least nobody will have to eat Ferris pizza out of desperation again!
