After seeing the enormous crowds of students eager to join the Silent Disco event on Low Steps earlier this semester, the Columbia Football team has boldly proclaimed that their last game was “just as silent, if not quieter.” In fact, they’ve gone as far as rebranding the Homecoming Game as a “Silent Homecoming,” in order to help increase attendance and drum up excitement in the student body. When asked if the team budget would be used to supply the headsets that usually accompany a silent disco, head coach Mark Fabish shrugged off the question. “There won’t be any need for headphones!” he announced, proudly. “Our games are so silent, you could hear a lantern fly breathing!” While it is still unclear how exactly this rebranding will impact student attendance numbers, Columbia Athletics has optimistically estimated that crowd size will double, going from one student per game to an incomprehensible two.
Capitalizing on the Silent Disco’s Popularity, Football Team Boasts that Their Games are Silent Too
