Much to the dismay of countless students, Columbia Dining has just announced that Ferris Booth Commons will no longer be serving their classic cheesecakes, cookies, cupcakes, and handfuls of soggy berries alongside meals. “We are proud to announce a new policy that will keep our dining displays fully functional for any prospective parents who happen to be on a tour—Ferris Dining Hall will be displaying an entirely new range of beautiful desserts, but no one is allowed to eat them,” Columbia Dining explained in their newsletter. “We’re talking an utterly gorgeous display with creme brulees, gold-leaf cupcakes, full wedding cakes, and much more. You greedy little students aren’t allowed to try anything, but you can stare through the glass.” When asked to comment, the Dining reps just shrugged and said, “If you really want something sweet, go use the fully-functional milkshake machines at JJ’s.”
