After painstakingly cultivating her list of high-school extracurriculars for college admittance, Lili Yung, CC ’21, landed on her feet ready to do the same at Columbia. Halfway through her summer position as a campaign intern for her local Congressman, she is now ready to finetune her resume in search of leadership positions and additional extracurriculars for her sophomore year.
“Listen, there’s only like four openings left in the job market in this country, and I’m not getting left behind because I didn’t do enough resume optimization,” the intrepid ladder-climber, who currently holds the record for most listservs subscribed to at once, snapped at reporters on Monday. “If I want to get into SIPA, I have to participate in clubs that are both international and affairs!”
She assures her friends that this is the reason that she joined the Columbia University Anime Club.
During her first year at Columbia, Lili racked up clubs to beef up her resume; these globally conscious clubs were a stark departure from her previous experience as Student Council president and National Honor Society treasurer. She first joined Conversio Virium to demonstrate her knowledge of Latin to future employers, only to later discover that “The Conversion of Energy” pertains to the club’s BDSM focus, not its goal of global clean energy. Nevertheless, she’s stuck with it: “I’m sure a love of pain and senseless humiliation can only endear me to the modern HR manager.”
Lili has chased her resume-motivated passions into the Culinary Society to put her knowledge of world-cuisine on display, and into “Gosh Yarn It!” to showcase intercultural textile skills. With a new, resume-boosting year just beginning, Lili has set her sights on catching the attention of potential employers by starting her own club, simply entitled “International Affairs.” She beckons anyone interested to sit-in on the first meeting, which will focus on the controversial love story of John Lennon and Yoko Ono.
In Other News
