LOW STEPS – While merrily skipping after seeing some chemicals go “boom-boom” in Havemeyer, Dean James Valentini was stopped in his tracks today by a particularly attractive pigeon on Low Steps. Wiping his half-moon spectacles and shaking his head in disbelief, Deantini assertively fixated his eyes on the urban fowl. He pinched himself, but no, it was not a dream.
“Look at that sexy little number,” mumbled Deantini, as his mouth curled into a devilish smirk. “She doesn’t care that I’m watching, does she? Nah, she’s used to it. Goddamn, are those some down feathers. I’d like to stuff her in my pants and just walk around as she pecks at my member all day, that little skank. Bet she keeps a nice clean under-carriage too, oh boy. Take a little bird bath with her? Don’t mind if I do.”
The pigeon raised her head suspiciously, but Deantinti, unfazed, did not avert his glare. He raised his eyebrows in a beckoning, puppy-dog manner. The bird was apparently unimpressed, as she flew to the other side of Alma Mater.
As he shuffled towards his office in Hamilton, Deantini was heard dejectedly muttering about “fucking teases.”
