Multiple sources have confirmed to the Spectador that SEAS Dean Mary Boyce recently had a meeting with members of the Columbia University legal team, who strongly urged her against wearing pasties to Bacchanal.
Dean Boyce, a world renowned mechanical physicist and probable 34B cup, has been hinting on social media about her planned Bacchanal outfit. One Instagram post featured a photo of two glittery, silver smiley face stickers with the caption, “Can’t wait to bust out these babies for the spring fling. Let your freak flag fly! ;p”.
Another post on Twitter potentially alluded to risque attire, saying, “If I can’t fully #freethenipple, then I’m going to get as close as I can #Bach2016.”
After they were made aware of these and other statements by Dean Boyce, various legal experts employed by Columbia held an emergency meeting with her. Though an official transcript of the proceedings has not been released, a source in the room, who wishes to remain anonymous, provided a brief overview of the meeting.
“The lawyers were very blunt and asked the Dean, ‘Do you plan on exposing your breasts to the student body?’ to which Boyce responded, ‘Yes.’,” our source reports. “One of the lawyers then asked her why. The Dean paused, and then answered, ‘Because I am not ashamed of my body.’ The legal team then informed her that under no circumstances could she attend the concert without clothes, or at the very least a modest beige brassiere.”
The source reported that, although the Dean agreed to the lawyers’ terms, she was heard mumbling as she left, “I guess wet t-shirt is.”
At presstime, it appears another emergency meeting is being called regarding a Facebook photo of Deantini in “assless chaps.”
