Breaking: Bernie Sanders Projected To Win Local School Board Seat

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"I'm going to make public school even more free."

“I’m going to make public school even more free.”

Despite not being on the ballot, Sanders reportedly received write-in votes from 85% of Whole Foods customers.  “One percent of students in this district receive ten percent of the A’s,” Sanders lamented in a victory speech.  “And some students have brains that are too big to fail a test.  It’s time to put an end to widening inequality in this district and raise the minimum grade.”