We would like to address a recent controversy involving the Columbia Spectator. Students have expressed concern regarding the Spectator’s latest issue, in which the publication proudly displayed their new advertising partnership with…
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Dear Ms. Plimperton, This is my first year living with my best…
There once was a little old shitter, Who had a really loose sphincter, MiraLAX™ from the store, They shat on the floor And left with a hole a lil’ rawer.…
President Mnookin, Please don’t go a’ bar snoopin’ Or we’ll start poopin’…
At the announcement that Jennifer Mnookin would be taking over as University President, many students feared for the safety of their beloved student bars that have a culture of allowing underage drinking.…
LOW STEPS — This past Friday afternoon, students from all across Columbia University gathered in Low Plaza for the annual club fair. “It was business as usual until the Knitting Club unveiled…
With a smidge of jealousy after SIPA launched a new undergraduate major, Columbia Business School rushed to launch its own major; its mission is determined to close the gap of nepo-babiness in…
Are you an engineering student? Have you turned down opportunities to work at mass surveillance companies because of silly things like a conscience? Don’t worry, Columbia now has you covered, because SEAS…
Oh Ferris eggs, Ferris eggs, A taste reminding me of ashes of my uncle Greg As classes started you thawed from cool Now I stand with baggy eyes and drool Oh Ferris…
John Jay University recently issued an ultimatum to their longtime namesake, the ghost of John Jay. One would have never guessed they were exclusive. I mean, seriously, Columbia only touts a John…
“Can I get my sandwich… Mike’s way? 🥴” Chef Mike’s, a classic sub shop, has seen an unexpected surge in popularity following reports of the Chef’s special sauces titillating tongues across campus. …
I started Wegovy about a year ago to cut a few pounds. I started giving out meal swipes to friends, hitting up the JJs carrot and hummus section, and skipping breakfast. The…
Recently, Columbia medical researchers have noticed a concerning trend among the lesbian undergraduate population: Their spines have curved and contorted with one lower shoulder and a lower indent in the spine. After…
JOHN JAY DINING HALL — In an effort to understand the continued outbreak of drug-fueled insomnia and superhuman stamina among the new cohort of freshmen, staff from John Jay Dining recently requested…
