The Columbia Federalist

by Quinn Snyder

November 5, 2024November 5, 2024

President Biden To Become A SoulCycle Instructor Upon Retirement From Public Service

In his last press conference as the sitting President of the United States, President Biden announced that he had finalized a deal with the fitness company SoulCycle to join the team as…

Articles/New York City/Politics

Funniest Outcome Possible: Trump to Drop Out of Presidential Race, Battle Hilary Clinton in NYC Mayoral Race

by Dani Winkler

November 3, 2024November 3, 2024

On Sunday, former President Donald Trump announced that he was dropping out…

Articles/Arts and Culture/Politics

JD Vance Spotted at Hell’s Kitchen Gay Bar Bear Night

by Reza Shayesteh

November 2, 2024November 3, 2024

On Saturday, numerous Columbia twinks gave reports that they saw Senator JD…

Articles/Breaking/Politics

J.D. Vance Gives Exclusive Interview on Abortion: “gbkdfhgiruegfkwh”

by Olivia Ruble

November 1, 2024November 1, 2024

Columbia Federalist reporters were lucky to catch Ohio-native, congressman, and vice-president-hopeful J.D.…

Articles/Opinion/Sports

Opinion: 4-1 is Actually Pretty Good Outcome If You Read It as GPA

by Aron Shklar and Bayan Shimizu

October 31, 2024October 31, 2024

So, the Yankees lost the World Series. You spent all that time learning player names so you could pretend to be a fan when they won, but then the Yankees lost. But…

Advice/Articles/Style

Fed’s Guide to Hottest Halloween Costumes

by Sylvi Stein

October 31, 2024October 31, 2024

It’s that time of year again… your Butler crush has seen you in full cruddy midterms glory, that one JJs guy knows you by name, and your fall wardrobe is in free-fall…

Articles/Minouche Shafik/On Campus

PrezStrong Reportedly “a Little Too Excited” About Her Minouche Shafik Costume

by James Coppersmith

October 30, 2024October 30, 2024

President Armstrong has reportedly been what many call “a little too excited” about the Minouche Shafik Halloween costume she recently put together at Party City. Many of her known associates have reported…

Articles/New York City/Politics

Trump Campaign Attempts to Dispel Backlash From Calling Puerto Rico an “Island of Garbage”: “We Meant to Say Long Island”

by Federalist Staff

October 29, 2024October 29, 2024

After enormous media backlash for derogatory remarks made by a comedian at Trump’s Madison Square Garden rally on Sunday including calling Puerto Rico an “island of garbage,” the former president’s campaign has…