The Columbia Federalist

January 12, 2025January 12, 2025

Eric Adams Unsure Whether to Include Turkish Language Proficiency on GS Application

Fearing an imminent change in employment, Mayor Eric Adams was recently seen editing his application to the School of General Studies, unsure if his knowledge of the Turkish language will help or…

Articles/Food and Drink/On Campus

Startling New Study Finds Dining Hall Eggs Contain Trace Amounts of Egg

by Beau Gantz

January 7, 2025January 7, 2025

Do you know what’s in your breakfast? A concerning new study has…

Articles/New York City/Opinion

Dear Jack Frost: Please Stop Nipping at My Nose, It’s Getting a Little Weird

by Oliver Green

January 5, 2025January 5, 2025

After a long, warm autumn season, I was finally feeling ready for…

Articles/New York City/Science and Technology

Woman in STEM becomes STEM in Woman: Columbia Bookstore Announces Vibrator Line

by Olivia Ruble

January 2, 2025January 2, 2025

Ever been polishing your pearl and thought, You know what would make…

Advice/Articles/Arts and Culture

Fed’s Guide to using dating apps over winter break

by Dani Rivera

December 31, 2024January 2, 2025

The sensible answer to whether you should or should not use a dating app in your hometown is ….. NO. However, The Fed is realistic. We know our readers are bored and…

Articles/On Campus/Opinion

Opinion: Freshmen Don’t Get Humiliated vy Slipping on Ice, Falling on Their Ass on Low Steps Like They Used to

by Sylvi Stein

December 29, 2024December 29, 2024

Call me a crotchety old geezer if you like, but this newest generation is too soft. Ever since this latest “climate change” fad hit the streets, freshmen aren’t wiping out on the…

Articles/Arts and Culture/New York City/Style

The Goose Not Worn

by Izzy Szyfer

December 26, 2024December 26, 2024

Inspired by and directly stolen from Robert Frost Two Canada Gooses diverged in a dorm closet, And sorry I could not wear both And be doubly-coated, long I stood And looked at…

Articles/Arts and Culture/On Campus

Grandma Got Run Over by Chef Mike

by Sasha Maroulis

December 23, 2024December 23, 2024

Grandma got run over by Chef Mike Walking home from Uris Christmas Eve You can say he never meant to do it But as for all the students we believe She’d been…

Articles/Arts and Culture

12 Days of Winter Break

by Ashley Rapp

December 21, 2024December 21, 2024

On the twelfth day of winter break, my family gave me Twelve relatives questioning my degree Eleven laps around my boring hometown mall Ten local useless networking candidates to chat with Nine…

Advice/Articles/Politics

Report: Post-Election Vibes Probably Way Better Back Home

by Beau Gantz

December 19, 2024December 19, 2024

Since Donald Trump’s victory in the November 5th presidential election, Columbia’s campus has been shrouded by turmoil and widespread liberal dread. Many students are concerned about their own safety and security, as…

Articles/Breaking/On Campus

Lerner Ramps Transformed into Giant Winter Wonderland Toboggan Slide

by Olivia Ruble

December 17, 2024December 17, 2024

Every student to pass through these hallowed halls must come to the same realization: not that they’ve made the wrong choice to come to Columbia, nor that majoring in Poly Sci is…

Advice/Articles/On Campus

What To Do the Night Before Your First Final but Your Zodiac Is Saying “You Can’t Force Yourself To Create When You’re Burnt Out”

by Valerie Rahman Yum

December 15, 2024December 15, 2024

…

Articles/Barnard/Business

Heartwarming: Barnard Receives Donation of 50 Cents and Half-Eaten Hot Dog

by Kimberly Wing

December 12, 2024December 12, 2024

With the announcement that Barnard will be $252 million in projected debt for its construction project, the college is scrambling to redistribute its funding and grow its endowment. Emails have been sent…

Advice/Articles/On Campus

10 Best Ways to Use a Study Room

by Zoe SIlverman

December 11, 2024December 11, 2024

Study rooms are essential to a college student’s academic life. How else can I get work done if I am not alone in a four-foot by four-foot cubicle? I like my studying…

Articles/Breaking/Business

Penn Celebrates First Cool Alum Since Noam Chomsky

by Federalist Staff

December 10, 2024December 10, 2024

Infamous for its controversial alumni including Donald Trump, Elon Musk, and Dr. Oz, the University of Pennsylvania really needed a cool, likeable alumnus to rebuke their current public perception as the nation’s…

Articles/Barnard/On Campus/Politics/Style

What’s in My Bag ft. Barnard Campus Security

by Inica Kotasthane

December 9, 2024December 9, 2024

“Hey guys and welcome to my What’s in My Bag vlog as a student at Columbia University! Today I’m going to be—oh, you need to check my bag? For non-racial profiling reasons……

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