"This is a beautiful connection between a man, a man, a man, another man, a woman, and me, and you need to get the fuck out."
"Apparently, you can only get in if you bring two girls with you.”
“We’re putting boots on the ground, and we’re putting bells on those boots.”
"The way people go on and on about it, you’d think it was the second coming of Christ."
"How better to show them my support?”
“I don’t really have anything else going on.”
“I haven’t been this embarrassed since the ‘National Treasure’ sequel came out.”
Does this sweatshirt say, "My Parents Spent $200,000 on a Secondary Education" to you?
White parents’ pride is proven to improve their children’s self-confidence, sometimes to the point of delusion.
It's operating on a $500 million grant from the Every Woman On Earth Foundation.
"It’s more of a gut feeling, or an art --though knowing their SAT scores never hurts.”
It’s dark in there, Mikey.
All five Green Party members attended.
"I don't want to be schvitzing about my 401k come April 15th."
Do not make the mistake of assuming size is a barrier to love.
In 15 minutes, you could save 15% or more on nard insurance.
"Did these rural whites only read the Sparknotes?"
The victims looked “drop dead gorgeous.”
“Let’s just say I have a feeling we’ll be getting an awful lot of press,” spokesman Moshe Feinberg said with a wink.
"This definitely isn't targeted at a particular candidate," RNC Chairman Reince Priebus says.
"We weren't sure if he was concealing a weapon or just a balloon animal. We couldn't take the risk."
"Don't bother shopping for corrective lenses - they're ableist."
No Republican has won the presidency without winning America's left nut.
The operation eased his endorsement of Donald Trump.
You might be asking yourself, "How long do I have to touch a boob to be a feminist?"
Would you take a handful?
"It's rare to find a candidate so clearly qualified for the program."
"She is an emblem of the American Dream for the billions of non-biodegradables who come to this country every year."