“When my friends reference the song, I just laugh and pretend like I get it."
“I’ve done a lot of research and all the movies show that fat shaming is the most effective way to make those little bastards lose a few pounds.”
"If only Trump and Muslim refugees could sit down at the negotiating table and enjoy a bowl of Pizza Twist Macaroni..."
"I didn’t choose to want to fuck Paul Ryan. It’s just the way I am."
"Governor Reuben won a landslide victory to become the state’s first Toasted-American governor."
The study found that "no genitalia" also discouraged intercourse.
"Without a trigger warning, we have no way of knowing when a British journalist is about to have his guts spilled out onto the desert floor."
"Past tweets included personal attacks on Washington officials, celebrities, and random citizens from Indiana..."
"I’m sure this news will be met with disappointment."
“Taking flight using only the motion of your penis is really all about confidence."
Gorsuch is the first Fed alumnus to land a job interview.
"Like, although I wasn’t thrilled about it, I got Obamacare because the Cheesecake Factory doesn’t have dental insurance."
Gill has not showed that he is willing to stand up for justice.
Even Neville's toad.
Captives have been forced to declare their devotion to a handy tooth hygiene guide.
"My views are evolving to reflect the changing needs and perspectives of my diverse constituents," the Lord writes in a heartfelt op-ed.
"This is a beautiful connection between a man, a man, a man, another man, a woman, and me, and you need to get the fuck out."
"Apparently, you can only get in if you bring two girls with you.”
“We’re putting boots on the ground, and we’re putting bells on those boots.”
"The way people go on and on about it, you’d think it was the second coming of Christ."
"How better to show them my support?”
“I don’t really have anything else going on.”
“I haven’t been this embarrassed since the ‘National Treasure’ sequel came out.”
Does this sweatshirt say, "My Parents Spent $200,000 on a Secondary Education" to you?
White parents’ pride is proven to improve their children’s self-confidence, sometimes to the point of delusion.
It's operating on a $500 million grant from the Every Woman On Earth Foundation.
"It’s more of a gut feeling, or an art --though knowing their SAT scores never hurts.”
It’s dark in there, Mikey.