Brothers of the Alpha Epsilon Pi fraternity were rocked this Friday night when Ben Weiss CC ‘19 revealed he was a goy.
Eyewitnesses report that, when asked what his Bar Mitzvah project was, Weiss gave forth a small chuckle and said, “What do you mean?” Responding to the confused ripple around him, Weiss reportedly followed with, “You know I’m Lutheran, right?” The members of the frat were astonished.
“I just had no idea” said Judah Rosenfeld CC ‘20 to the Fed. “I mean, I don’t judge him or anything--nothing but love--although it did catch me off guard. Really, I hope I never offended him when I was ranting about the gentiles in my Rabbis for Historians class.”
Not all brothers were as accepting. Sammy Cohen, also CC ‘19, was seen storming away from the kitchen, having barely touched his blintzes. “Yeah, I’m feeling a bit betrayed” he told us. “I really opened up to Ben about my relationships with members of my temple. But all this time I was talking about rabbis, was he thinking about priests?”
Still, most of the brothers were happy for Weiss. Aaron Goldspan CC ‘18 told us, “I’m just really glad Ben can be himself. It must have been so hard for him, hiding his true identity like that. He’s so brave.”
As of press time, Weiss himself provided no comment on the situation.
In Other News
He’s also eyeing a presidential run.
“At current rates, we can expect it to reach the other side of the street no later than May 2018.”
"JACOB TREMBLAY, from the wonderful film ROOM, is now my son. Polls LOVE him already!"
You wear Goodwill; I wear Canada Goose.
"She came over this break and, I swear to God, was just ripping some of the fattest clouds I'd ever seen."
"What does it mean to be a police officer with thousands of devices installed in your body to assist in fighting crime when you also like dudes?"
"Jesus, no I don't have any comment on what happened in Florida. Can't you see I'm busy here?"
"Jeez, I bet I look pretty ridiculous right about now."
"Many believe that Michael Phelps would have brought home even more hardware had he not been injured in an attack orchestrated by Tonya Harding’s ex-husband Jeff Gillooly."