THE TOP OF A TREE--With new developments in urban farming and hydroponics accompanying the constant innovation in literary form, the world seems to be far outstripping academia’s turtle pace. But if there were any institution which could weather the storm, Columbia, with its interdisciplinary approach to learning, is suited to do just that.
After first testing the waters of mixing literature and ecology in theoretical schools such as Ecocriticism and Ecofeminism, the two disciplines of agriculture and literary criticism are finally joining together in glorious matrimony through a course on Avant-Gardening, a revolutionary new method of organizing plants.
Françoise d'Eaubonne, leading ecofeminist, was overjoyed to hear about the new course, stating that this development was “a big step for finally removing the Earth-mother from the dominating and well-callused hands of paternalistic agro-capitalism. Finally art and nature are joined together, and all the better through radically new forms of gardening. Have you ever seen plants hang upside down like that?!”
Students too are excited about this new offering. June Lionel, CC’20, said, “This is the course I’ve been waiting for. I’ve always been torn between my love of Gertrude Stein and weirdly shaped plants. But now I don’t have to be.”
In Other News
"Jesus, no I don't have any comment on what happened in Florida. Can't you see I'm busy here?"
"Jeez, I bet I look pretty ridiculous right about now."
"Many believe that Michael Phelps would have brought home even more hardware had he not been injured in an attack orchestrated by Tonya Harding’s ex-husband Jeff Gillooly."
"Coach, I get the game plan. When can we go out there and get this thing going?"
"As of press time, the research team reported they had gotten 'blitzed' off of $7 vodka and had just purchased tickets to a Dave Matthews reunion tour show."
“Honestly, after spending twenty minutes trying to find the Allen wrench I dropped under the couch, I’ve realized he was a terrible father."
6. My younger brother.
4. Kill the author of this article.
"Frankly, between seeing you at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and now this, I’m tired of your shit,” Grandma Ester tearfully remarked as she dug the ceremonial meat cleaver into her gnarled forearm.
"I swear, I saw him slide all the way from the top of the library steps down to the bottom right after it rained!"