Big, big news coming out of Hamilton 608 today. Apparently, Shelby Markegaard BC ‘20 absolutely floored her Introduction to Gender Politics in Slovenian Theater discussion section. “From 5:10-6, it was the Shelby Show, and by God did she deliver,” relayed graduate assistant Peter Clergen. “Usually, I lose interest in shows right after the first commercial break, but Shelby kept me in rapt attention the full 50 minutes.”
Though a complete transcript of the conversation is not available, our sources can confirm that the section began with Shelby proclaiming a “modality,” and the groundbreaking insights only continued from there, with classmates estimating that she repeated “modality” at least 800 times during her uninterrupted polemic. “When you see that someone is on like that, and really driving home a point, there’s no point in interrupting her,” said Clergen. “The word ‘modality,’ it - it just definitely means something smart and wholly pretentious, so I like to listen to it.”
Classmate Wilbur Granderson CC '19 echoed these sentiments: "She was just saying 'modality' so much that I went from kinda understanding what it means, to definitely not, to questioning if it was a word, to wondering why she couldn't just say 'method' or 'manner,' to deciding that she was a genius."
At press time, Markegaard felt confident that she could stumble through a definition of “teleology,” and had informed her discussion section to prepare itself accordingly.
In Other News
“Exposing Westchester’s kids to this kind of disease is nothing short of morally repugnant,” said local activist group FreeEdu. “If you want to do justice to teaching America’s colonial past, you should be giving them smallpox instead.”
He’s also eyeing a presidential run.
“At current rates, we can expect it to reach the other side of the street no later than May 2018.”
"JACOB TREMBLAY, from the wonderful film ROOM, is now my son. Polls LOVE him already!"
You wear Goodwill; I wear Canada Goose.
"She came over this break and, I swear to God, was just ripping some of the fattest clouds I'd ever seen."
"What does it mean to be a police officer with thousands of devices installed in your body to assist in fighting crime when you also like dudes?"
"Jesus, no I don't have any comment on what happened in Florida. Can't you see I'm busy here?"
"Jeez, I bet I look pretty ridiculous right about now."