WHITE HOUSE - At a séance held today in the Diplomatic Room of the White House, President Donald Trump, Chief Strategist Stephen Bannon, Chief of Staff John Kelly, and son-in-law Jared Kushner grasped hands in an attempt to contact the spirit of Nazi Minister of Propaganda Joseph Goebbels, and offer him the role of White House Communications Director.
The ghost of Goebbels, upon being summoned, reportedly politely declined. "That's a really gracious offer, and I do appreciate it -- but for the time being, I will have to pass," said the disembodied voice of the infamous anti-Semite. "With the direction this administration is heading, I frankly don't want to attach my name to this presidency."
At press time, President Trump was inquiring into the availability of Jim Jones.
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“The union representative also strongly urged the purchase of 2-liters of Coca-Cola, Sierra Mist, and Hi-C Tropical Punch for each party.”
“A second location is already being planned atop the heap of Fleetwood Mac CD’s forming 100 yards away.”
“What are we going to do about it? Well, first of all, stay out of the tunnels. We cannot stress enough how horny these Super Bats are.”
A Fed article by Sappho.
ANTH4001: HE’S GOT YOUR EYES: BASTARD CHILDREN AND BEYOND: Topics covered will include: burner phones, child support, contraceptive methods, and Zoloft.
At press time, a similar ceremony is being planned for the namesake of Uris Deli; the infamous New York railroad tycoon, Uris J. Deli.
“The tradition of shiny-headed baldness among our sandwich makers is a long and storied one at Milano Market."
"You have the audacity to pull out your 10 page long CC paper and staple it as if you explicitly mean to torture me."
"After almost a year of listening to protesters chanting ‘Where’s Lee Bollinger’ on the steps outside my office, I realized they had a point. I wasn’t where I should be: on their side. It was a humbling moment.”