Boldly submerging his head into the 84 degree pool at the Schenectady Holiday Inn, Brett Ducovich, 33, emerged only moments later to declare that the water was “fine once you get in.”
Their first day at the Holiday Inn, the Ducovich family was eager to enjoy the hotel’s many amenities. When the family (Mr. Ducovich, his wife, Daisy, and their three children) first dipped their toes in the 25 foot long pool, they were repulsed by the cool temperature. “Ooh, it’s freezing! A hotel this far north should really have a pool heater,” Mrs. Ducovich exclaimed, as she extended her arms to prevent her children from venturing any further into the water’s depths.
Mr. Ducovich, however, was unfazed; he removed his “Grill Master” t-shirt, and eagerly waded to the pool’s deep end. “Kids, don’t listen to your mother, it’s actually really refreshing,” Mr. Ducovich said. He then took some water into his mouth and squirted it at his children, who squealed with delight.
The Federalist’s latest sources confirm that little Kurt Ducovich was seen donning a pair of swim goggles that were noticeably tight, and flailing his arms as his mother applied sunscreen to his freckled face.
In Other News
When Bollinger was later asked how this new anti-marching policy would apply to CUMB’s beloved ORGO night, he responded “I guess as long as they saunter into Butler, it should be chill.”
She is distraught that Joey has not responded to her calls for weeks about his care package and that nice girl from Bacchanal.
You can’t be emasculated by this guy. He’s got a ponytail, 1970s aviator glasses, and pink socks under his L. L. Bean boots.
Sixth Floor: PART OF THE COLUMBIA CS CLUB
Seventh Floor: PROFOUND AND EVERLASTING LONELINESS
Eighth Floor: WRITES FOR SPEC
For your reference, a good rule of thumb for networking is that, if Mo Bamba played in the background for 75% of our conversation, I probably don’t intend to strike up a professional relationship.
“Now, the dipshit’s gone and pissed off Shub-Niggurath, the Black Goat of the Woods with the Thousand Young,” Core professor Ricardo Hernandez said.
In his concluding remarks, Bollinger made a surprising revelation: “I have been notified by my ancestors that all lands previously inhabited by the Lenape people have been granted to me, personally.”
Otis Wofford, CC ’22, expressed his discontent with the decision. “Women, men and gender non-conforming folks being a part of the same institution? The social justice warriors are out of control.”
At first we thought our challenges wouldn’t be insurmountable. We thought that with discipline, resolve, and a heavy dose of hard work, Spec would persevere.
But then came the op-eds.