Boldly submerging his head into the 84 degree pool at the Schenectady Holiday Inn, Brett Ducovich, 33, emerged only moments later to declare that the water was “fine once you get in.”
Their first day at the Holiday Inn, the Ducovich family was eager to enjoy the hotel’s many amenities. When the family (Mr. Ducovich, his wife, Daisy, and their three children) first dipped their toes in the 25 foot long pool, they were repulsed by the cool temperature. “Ooh, it’s freezing! A hotel this far north should really have a pool heater,” Mrs. Ducovich exclaimed, as she extended her arms to prevent her children from venturing any further into the water’s depths.
Mr. Ducovich, however, was unfazed; he removed his “Grill Master” t-shirt, and eagerly waded to the pool’s deep end. “Kids, don’t listen to your mother, it’s actually really refreshing,” Mr. Ducovich said. He then took some water into his mouth and squirted it at his children, who squealed with delight.
The Federalist’s latest sources confirm that little Kurt Ducovich was seen donning a pair of swim goggles that were noticeably tight, and flailing his arms as his mother applied sunscreen to his freckled face.
In Other News
“I’m an ally. I’m trying to create a better brand for this movement, one that better complies with established grammar rules.”
The snake is reportedly cash-green and vaguely slimy-looking, with an Apple watch still attached to its body.
“Robin was such a grinder,” said his roommate Tag Eisenhower CC’ 20. “For as long as I knew him he would put his body through absolute hell simply because he didn’t possess a single shred of planning or basic organization.”
He was also spotted with a few of his Lit Hum books in his backpack, a clear indication he is planning to study those too, like a massive dork.
“We engage with ideas from all over the world; Italy, Germany, France, England, New England…How could anyone still think that way after such an education?”
“Because I have integrity, because I have principles, I won’t be selling out anytime soon,” said a triumphant Emerson. “I’ll be out there in the trenches, living in a dumpy apartment in Queens.”
“Jeffrey has shown that through determination, kindness, and avoiding all conversations about abortion and military action, General Studies students can fit right in here,” said a school representative.
“I want to be forthright. Yes, as Dining Director of John Jay, I made a deal with Big Bean, just like Ferris signed exclusivity agreements with Inedible Broccoli and Lukewarm Yogurt,” he said in a statement.
“Three weeks went by, and not a word from anyone. Just yesterday I received an email from President Bollinger telling me to ‘keep up the great work!’”, said Columbia Housing Executive Director Joyce Jackson.
Perhaps the union is being selfish. Why should their right to proper compensation and treatment as employees supercede my mild curiosity as to what would happen without TAs to proctor my exam?