Boldly submerging his head into the 84 degree pool at the Schenectady Holiday Inn, Brett Ducovich, 33, emerged only moments later to declare that the water was “fine once you get in.”
Their first day at the Holiday Inn, the Ducovich family was eager to enjoy the hotel’s many amenities. When the family (Mr. Ducovich, his wife, Daisy, and their three children) first dipped their toes in the 25 foot long pool, they were repulsed by the cool temperature. “Ooh, it’s freezing! A hotel this far north should really have a pool heater,” Mrs. Ducovich exclaimed, as she extended her arms to prevent her children from venturing any further into the water’s depths.
Mr. Ducovich, however, was unfazed; he removed his “Grill Master” t-shirt, and eagerly waded to the pool’s deep end. “Kids, don’t listen to your mother, it’s actually really refreshing,” Mr. Ducovich said. He then took some water into his mouth and squirted it at his children, who squealed with delight.
The Federalist’s latest sources confirm that little Kurt Ducovich was seen donning a pair of swim goggles that were noticeably tight, and flailing his arms as his mother applied sunscreen to his freckled face.
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A Fed article by Sappho.
ANTH4001: HE’S GOT YOUR EYES: BASTARD CHILDREN AND BEYOND: Topics covered will include: burner phones, child support, contraceptive methods, and Zoloft.
At press time, a similar ceremony is being planned for the namesake of Uris Deli; the infamous New York railroad tycoon, Uris J. Deli.
“The tradition of shiny-headed baldness among our sandwich makers is a long and storied one at Milano Market."
"You have the audacity to pull out your 10 page long CC paper and staple it as if you explicitly mean to torture me."
"After almost a year of listening to protesters chanting ‘Where’s Lee Bollinger’ on the steps outside my office, I realized they had a point. I wasn’t where I should be: on their side. It was a humbling moment.”