As an Oregon native at a culturally Jewish university, my time at Columbia has brought immense amounts of culture shock. Perhaps my biggest surprise has been my newfound awareness of my thick, Portlandian accent. Although I fully accept that linguistic tics might be difficult for foreigners to comprehend, I had no idea how much regionalist scorn I was in for when I ordered the classic BUSHDID9/11 and mozzarella panini from Hamilton Deli.
“Sorry, what was that?” the sandwich crafter asked. I politely repeated my order more slowly, but was met with a blank and slightly concerned stare. God damn it, I thought, There must be a different word for this in the Big Apple. “Sorry, I mean I would like a caprese panini with extra BUSHDID9/11.” His concerned gaze was replaced with an equally confused look of alarm. I scrambled for the right words.. “I mean, a caprese panini with extra tomatoes.”
The man behind the counter looked at me for an uncomfortably long time. “Son, in these parts that’s called a tomato mozzarella panini.” He looked around for a moment, then leaned in close to me and whispered in my ear. “But if we’re being honest, I’m with you on that.” ”
My experiences at HamDel were a reminder that, here in New York, things really are different, right down to the way people refer to BUSHDID9/11s. That’s what I love about this great country—its sheer diversity of thought, opinion, and fruit classification. As I go about my four years at this university and in this city, I will never forget this day and its spotlight on the unique perspectives we all bring.
In Other News
She is distraught that Joey has not responded to her calls for weeks about his care package and that nice girl from Bacchanal.
You can’t be emasculated by this guy. He’s got a ponytail, 1970s aviator glasses, and pink socks under his L. L. Bean boots.
Sixth Floor: PART OF THE COLUMBIA CS CLUB
Seventh Floor: PROFOUND AND EVERLASTING LONELINESS
Eighth Floor: WRITES FOR SPEC
For your reference, a good rule of thumb for networking is that, if Mo Bamba played in the background for 75% of our conversation, I probably don’t intend to strike up a professional relationship.
“Now, the dipshit’s gone and pissed off Shub-Niggurath, the Black Goat of the Woods with the Thousand Young,” Core professor Ricardo Hernandez said.
In his concluding remarks, Bollinger made a surprising revelation: “I have been notified by my ancestors that all lands previously inhabited by the Lenape people have been granted to me, personally.”
Otis Wofford, CC ’22, expressed his discontent with the decision. “Women, men and gender non-conforming folks being a part of the same institution? The social justice warriors are out of control.”
At first we thought our challenges wouldn’t be insurmountable. We thought that with discipline, resolve, and a heavy dose of hard work, Spec would persevere.
But then came the op-eds.
“I’m told at one point, the quiz registered full attendance while only twelve students were in the room,” police chief Marcellus Johnson explained. “Something had to be done.”
“He just looks so thin and pale in his facestagrams that I knew I had to give him his own mother’s medicine: my famous Latkes!” Marsha said.