CLAMMY CHEST CAVITY—After 20 years trapped inside a woman’s body, the voice of the tiny man inside crying for help has finally been heard.
Complaining about the darkness, uncomfortable moisture, and nauseating motion, the small man warned, “Someone better get me out of this shithole or there will be some serious lawsuits to deal with.”
The man also spoke out against his dining options, complaining, “I’m getting real tired of this salad shit. Can someone drop me a fucking burger?”
The woman claims she doesn’t know how the man got there.
“At first I just ignored the little asshole and pretended he wasn’t there,” she said. “But I’ve had enough of keeping him down. It’s time to tell the world: there’s a little man trapped inside my body, and he’s crying for help.”
The mini-man was last heard saying, “Seriously, I can’t see shit in here. Is anyone listening to me? Hello?”
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"Something about those cute little faces just gets me going about how much better public torture would work out than our current broken justice system when considering the utilitarian calculus."
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"His previous experience transporting souls across the river Styx to the world of the dead was eye-opening; he is just impeccably qualified to take the reins of our institution’s cherished nursing home.”