The Core Curriculum is supposed to turn its students into refined, sophisticated citizens. But months after the release of rap group Migos’s smash hit “Bad and Boujee,” uncultured swine Dan Swanson CC ’18 admits that he still doesn’t know what “boujee” means.
“When my friends reference the song, I just laugh and pretend like I get it,” Swanson said. “But the whole time I’ve been wondering, what the fuck does that mean? Is that even a word?”
Swanson said that even after seeing the term in countless Instagram captions—mostly on the accounts of white girls—he has yet to glean its meaning.
“My best guess is that it has something to do with pregaming in a frat’s backyard on Bacchanal, but again, I really have no idea,” Swanson said.
Swanson, a pleb, also added that he doesn’t know who Saint Pablo is, either.
“I don’t remember that guy from the Gospels at all!” Swanson said.
In Other News
"The complete eradication of the farm, totaled at 227 ants, was initially attributed to the 13 days the package spent on a poorly ventilated, sunless shelf in Wien, during which time Michaels reportedly attempted to muster up the testicular fortitude to interact with the package staffer."
"President Lee Bollinger cited the organization’s 'lack of transparency' and 'ethics concerns' as incongruous with the university’s vision."
“We water the soil with broken dreams, fertilize it with internship offers, and voila, out they come.”
1. Stimulate James McShane to near ecstasy at the mere mention of “theft alert.”
Learn a thing or two from the Fed's wisest.
"Usually we let the admissions process grind them up and spit them out, but we had to step in here."
"Columbia must have been his safety school. Anyone with a dick that nice applied to Harvard early.”
"To all the students emailing me to 'talk about the class,' just drop it. I’m not interested."
"Approach the first hot girl you see, taking the shortest path possible—use Dijkstra’s algorithm here if necessary."
"I'm submitting my piece into the veritable marketplace of ideas, where everyone will applaud me for my bravery and insight."