The Core Curriculum is supposed to turn its students into refined, sophisticated citizens. But months after the release of rap group Migos’s smash hit “Bad and Boujee,” uncultured swine Dan Swanson CC ’18 admits that he still doesn’t know what “boujee” means.
“When my friends reference the song, I just laugh and pretend like I get it,” Swanson said. “But the whole time I’ve been wondering, what the fuck does that mean? Is that even a word?”
Swanson said that even after seeing the term in countless Instagram captions—mostly on the accounts of white girls—he has yet to glean its meaning.
“My best guess is that it has something to do with pregaming in a frat’s backyard on Bacchanal, but again, I really have no idea,” Swanson said.
Swanson, a pleb, also added that he doesn’t know who Saint Pablo is, either.
“I don’t remember that guy from the Gospels at all!” Swanson said.
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"Soon, sweetheart," cooed the 54-year-old professor's mother . "It'll come sooner if you fall asleep."
"I personally find it to be a very spiritual journey, as I pass the same Olive Tree Deli and Columbia Barber shop my forefathers passed years ago."
“This is Kimiko, my waifu,” said the Dean, switching tabs to a hi-res image of a scantily clad, huge-eyed vixen with gravity-defying breasts.
"Coach kept telling us, ‘Guys, you’re a damn talented group, and I know you can win games. You gotta stay focused on winning! Because if you keep losing, you’re gonna know the sting inside my spanking tent.’"
"Something about those cute little faces just gets me going about how much better public torture would work out than our current broken justice system when considering the utilitarian calculus."
“It’s just so unhealthy,” said Jablonsky, whose grandfather trekked across Europe with just two potatoes in his battered rucksack to catch a passage to America. “Too much saturated fat. And, oh God, the salt.”
"In an increasingly interconnected world, we at the Office of Global Programs are hoping that a trip up to Union Theological Seminary or down into Lehman can be reframed as its own rich adventure!"
"I thought it was frankly irresponsible that the tour guide failed to mention even one location in which my son could find himself bucking the wild white pony at 3:15pm on a Wednesday afternoon."
"His previous experience transporting souls across the river Styx to the world of the dead was eye-opening; he is just impeccably qualified to take the reins of our institution’s cherished nursing home.”