WHITE HOUSE NORTH - Inspired by Michelle Obama’s campaign to stop childhood obesity, America’s new First Lady, Melania Trump, has chosen to utilize cyber-bullying as a platform to continue Mrs. Obama’s work. Mrs. Trump will begin her campaign this month, visiting schools across the country to encourage kids to “Get on the web and start harassing!”
Mrs. Trump has made a declaration to go after any child weighing in at anything more than 93.4 pounds. “I’ve done a lot of research and all the movies show that fat shaming is the most effective way to make those little bastards lose a few pounds.”
She claims that she herself was a victim of bullying as a child, and this important engagement with her peers led her to become the bulimic that gave her the figure she has today. “If a few nasty comments in the hallway can lead me to shove a toothbrush down my throat every night, I can’t even begin to imagine the results we can get with everyone on social media.”
She is now in contact with Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg to implement a new “fat” hashtag that can be used by anyone on any photo found on the website. “Kids can just run around Facebook tagging all their fat friends,” Mrs. Trump said. “It will be a whole movement in itself.”
And Mrs. Trump is not the only one in her family working to solve the childhood obesity epidemic. If President Trump’s proposed budget passes, the federal government is set to withhold free lunch vouchers from potentially millions of children – thick and non-thick alike.
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A Fed article by Sappho.
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