Shut up, Mom!
I’m sorry, Mom, but I’m a little busy reading the latest issue of Kerrang.
Oh, so now all of a sudden time is important to you? Time is just a construct, anyway.
What are you talking about, Mom? It’s naturally green! And for your information, the shade is ‘electric mucus’.
I see all the fakeness of people like you that I need, even if I need to keep brushing to the side of my face!
Oh yeah? Well, I’d rather have these tight pants than subscribe to your tight-ass morals!
For the last time, Blink-182 aren’t emo, they’re pop punk. God, Mom.
No way! My gauges are where I keep my pet gecko Gerard. I’m not letting anyone get near him!
Sorry to disappoint, Mom, but I’m not just some fucking sell-out conformist like you!
Fine, do it! It’ll give him a reason to come home and talk to me for once!
HELP! GERARD IS STUCK IN MY EARLOBE!
Emo is Just a Phase
We have to talk. This “emo” style of yours is getting ridiculous. You know it’s just a phase, right?
Excuse me, but we are having this conversation now young lady, not later.
You don’t believe me now, but one day you won’t think your green hair is so cool anymore.
There’s just no way you can see with your hair over your eyes like that.
How can you be comfortable in those pants? They’re the tightest skinny jeans I’ve ever seen!
You can’t be emo forever. How do you expect to get a job if you stay holed up in your room listening to Blink-182?
I don’t care what genre they are. But at least see a doctor. I think your gauges are infecting your ear lobes.
Jesus, why can’t you be a normal person your age and spend your time masturbating and looking at memes?
You’re being ridiculous. If you keep this up, I’m going to get your father involved.
All right, you win. If you hate your doting parents so much then just run away. Go and leave home, I won't go after you.
In Other News
“The union representative also strongly urged the purchase of 2-liters of Coca-Cola, Sierra Mist, and Hi-C Tropical Punch for each party.”
“A second location is already being planned atop the heap of Fleetwood Mac CD’s forming 100 yards away.”
“What are we going to do about it? Well, first of all, stay out of the tunnels. We cannot stress enough how horny these Super Bats are.”
A Fed article by Sappho.
ANTH4001: HE’S GOT YOUR EYES: BASTARD CHILDREN AND BEYOND: Topics covered will include: burner phones, child support, contraceptive methods, and Zoloft.
At press time, a similar ceremony is being planned for the namesake of Uris Deli; the infamous New York railroad tycoon, Uris J. Deli.
“The tradition of shiny-headed baldness among our sandwich makers is a long and storied one at Milano Market."
"You have the audacity to pull out your 10 page long CC paper and staple it as if you explicitly mean to torture me."
"After almost a year of listening to protesters chanting ‘Where’s Lee Bollinger’ on the steps outside my office, I realized they had a point. I wasn’t where I should be: on their side. It was a humbling moment.”