Shut up, Mom!
I’m sorry, Mom, but I’m a little busy reading the latest issue of Kerrang.
Oh, so now all of a sudden time is important to you? Time is just a construct, anyway.
What are you talking about, Mom? It’s naturally green! And for your information, the shade is ‘electric mucus’.
I see all the fakeness of people like you that I need, even if I need to keep brushing to the side of my face!
Oh yeah? Well, I’d rather have these tight pants than subscribe to your tight-ass morals!
For the last time, Blink-182 aren’t emo, they’re pop punk. God, Mom.
No way! My gauges are where I keep my pet gecko Gerard. I’m not letting anyone get near him!
Sorry to disappoint, Mom, but I’m not just some fucking sell-out conformist like you!
Fine, do it! It’ll give him a reason to come home and talk to me for once!
HELP! GERARD IS STUCK IN MY EARLOBE!
Emo is Just a Phase
We have to talk. This “emo” style of yours is getting ridiculous. You know it’s just a phase, right?
Excuse me, but we are having this conversation now young lady, not later.
You don’t believe me now, but one day you won’t think your green hair is so cool anymore.
There’s just no way you can see with your hair over your eyes like that.
How can you be comfortable in those pants? They’re the tightest skinny jeans I’ve ever seen!
You can’t be emo forever. How do you expect to get a job if you stay holed up in your room listening to Blink-182?
I don’t care what genre they are. But at least see a doctor. I think your gauges are infecting your ear lobes.
Jesus, why can’t you be a normal person your age and spend your time masturbating and looking at memes?
You’re being ridiculous. If you keep this up, I’m going to get your father involved.
All right, you win. If you hate your doting parents so much then just run away. Go and leave home, I won't go after you.
In Other News
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“You set out thinking you’ll check one quick fact, and before you know it, you’re asking yourself, ‘Hmm, what is brutalism really?’"
“Those residents will be thanking us once they’ve tasted their first salad from Sweetgreen.”
"If I need to choose between cultural sensitivity and blacking out in an 'I Put the Double D’s in St. Paddy’s Day' crop top, pour me a shot.”
"Asked what other things he liked about McKinsey, Johnstone said, 'Well, it’s the best one. Like it’s on Forbes and shit.'”
“I even moved some girl’s warm bra and panties to check for my virginity underneath...but it was nowhere to be found."
“I’m not asking for much. I mean, don’t be so stingy! A small $50,000 gift will suffice to give my Audi a 6-inch lift.”
"It may be hard work, but we will never stop policing injustices as long as doing so draws attention to our social media presence.”
"Program participants will receive an engraved Brown University bong, readily available for purchase at the university bookstore for $39.95."
"I always just assumed I would work at Morgan Stanley, but recently I’ve been dreaming about McKinsey.”