A viral post-inauguration tweet by a White House employee sparked outrage when it was picked up by Buzzfeed and other outlets last week. The tweet contained several wildly false claims about the election, citing a series of statistics which failed to live up to the standards the White House expects of its executive staff. Even after being disciplined by several senior officials with a vigorous time out, the employee refused to delete the tweet, and continued tweeting late into the night.
Upon further investigation, The Federalist discovered that the employee had previously tweeted similarly incendiary content. Past tweets included personal attacks on Washington officials, celebrities, and random citizens from Indiana, conspiracy theories, racially offensive and misogynistic messages,attempts to discredit major media organizations, and, most shockingly, a description of Meryl Streep as “over-rated.”
Online petitioners from around the nation immediately called for his firing, stating the belief that this Twitter post had simply gone too far.
The employee’s name will not be publicly released. Aides close to the West Wing tell us that his duties have been suspended until further notice. As of press time, Jared Kushner will be assuming the staffer’s duties.
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At press time, a similar ceremony is being planned for the namesake of Uris Deli; the infamous New York railroad tycoon, Uris J. Deli.
“The tradition of shiny-headed baldness among our sandwich makers is a long and storied one at Milano Market."
"You have the audacity to pull out your 10 page long CC paper and staple it as if you explicitly mean to torture me."
"After almost a year of listening to protesters chanting ‘Where’s Lee Bollinger’ on the steps outside my office, I realized they had a point. I wasn’t where I should be: on their side. It was a humbling moment.”