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Sleepy Joseph Massad Asks Mom How Many Days Until Israeli Apartheid Week

December 29, 2017 Ben Greenspan
 Graphic by Natalie Arenzon

Graphic by Natalie Arenzon

"Soon, sweetheart," cooed the 54-year-old professor's mother . "It'll come sooner if you fall asleep." 


In Other News

Home Blog
Report: Dig Inn Smell Getting Stronger by the Day
Apr 9, 2018
Report: Dig Inn Smell Getting Stronger by the Day
Apr 9, 2018

“At current rates, we can expect it to reach the other side of the street no later than May 2018.”

Apr 9, 2018
BREAKING: Barron Trump to Be Replaced by Adorable Actor Jacob Tremblay
Mar 22, 2018
BREAKING: Barron Trump to Be Replaced by Adorable Actor Jacob Tremblay
Mar 22, 2018

"JACOB TREMBLAY, from the wonderful film ROOM, is now my son. Polls LOVE him already!"

Mar 22, 2018
The Person Underneath the Canada Goose
Mar 19, 2018
The Person Underneath the Canada Goose
Mar 19, 2018

You wear Goodwill; I wear Canada Goose.

 

Mar 19, 2018
Report: Aunt Vapes Now
Mar 16, 2018
Report: Aunt Vapes Now
Mar 16, 2018

"She came over this break and, I swear to God, was just ripping some of the fattest clouds I'd ever seen."

Mar 16, 2018
Analysis: Is America Ready for a Gay Inspector Gadget?
Mar 5, 2018
Analysis: Is America Ready for a Gay Inspector Gadget?
Mar 5, 2018

"What does it mean to be a police officer with thousands of devices installed in your body to assist in fighting crime when you also like dudes?"

Mar 5, 2018
Wayne LaPierre Just Wants to Enjoy Valentine's Dinner with AR-15 in Peace
Feb 14, 2018
Wayne LaPierre Just Wants to Enjoy Valentine's Dinner with AR-15 in Peace
Feb 14, 2018

"Jesus, no I don't have any comment on what happened in Florida. Can't you see I'm busy here?"

Feb 14, 2018
Cross Country Skier Going Uphill Feels Rather Silly
Feb 12, 2018
Cross Country Skier Going Uphill Feels Rather Silly
Feb 12, 2018

"Jeez, I bet I look pretty ridiculous right about now." 

Feb 12, 2018
The Fed's Top 5 Moments in Modern Olympic History
Feb 8, 2018
The Fed's Top 5 Moments in Modern Olympic History
Feb 8, 2018

"Many believe that Michael Phelps would have brought home even more hardware had he not been injured in an attack orchestrated by Tonya Harding’s ex-husband Jeff Gillooly."

Feb 8, 2018
Rob Gronkowski Interrupts Belichick's Halftime Speech To Ask When The Game Starts
Feb 4, 2018
Rob Gronkowski Interrupts Belichick's Halftime Speech To Ask When The Game Starts
Feb 4, 2018

"Coach, I get the game plan. When can we go out there and get this thing going?" 

Feb 4, 2018
Experts Unsure If Town Dystopian Wasteland or Just Upstate Suburb
Jan 30, 2018
Experts Unsure If Town Dystopian Wasteland or Just Upstate Suburb
Jan 30, 2018

"As of press time, the research team reported they had gotten 'blitzed' off of  $7 vodka and had just purchased tickets to a Dave Matthews reunion tour show."

Jan 30, 2018
In On Campus Tags 3, December 2017
← Family Ends New Years Eve Party With Traditional Blood Oath Not To See Each Other For 8 MonthsReport: Brian Best in Grade at Sliding Down Railings →
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