Sleepy Joseph Massad Asks Mom How Many Days Until Israeli Apartheid Week

Apr 9, 2018

Report: Dig Inn Smell Getting Stronger by the Day

Apr 9, 2018

“At current rates, we can expect it to reach the other side of the street no later than May 2018.”

Apr 9, 2018

Mar 22, 2018

BREAKING: Barron Trump to Be Replaced by Adorable Actor Jacob Tremblay

Mar 22, 2018

"JACOB TREMBLAY, from the wonderful film ROOM, is now my son. Polls LOVE him already!"

Mar 22, 2018

Mar 19, 2018

The Person Underneath the Canada Goose

Mar 19, 2018

You wear Goodwill; I wear Canada Goose.

Mar 19, 2018

Mar 16, 2018

Report: Aunt Vapes Now

Mar 16, 2018

"She came over this break and, I swear to God, was just ripping some of the fattest clouds I'd ever seen."

Mar 16, 2018

Mar 5, 2018

Analysis: Is America Ready for a Gay Inspector Gadget?

Mar 5, 2018

"What does it mean to be a police officer with thousands of devices installed in your body to assist in fighting crime when you also like dudes?"

Mar 5, 2018

Feb 14, 2018

Wayne LaPierre Just Wants to Enjoy Valentine's Dinner with AR-15 in Peace

Feb 14, 2018

"Jesus, no I don't have any comment on what happened in Florida. Can't you see I'm busy here?"

Feb 14, 2018

Feb 12, 2018

Cross Country Skier Going Uphill Feels Rather Silly

Feb 12, 2018

"Jeez, I bet I look pretty ridiculous right about now."

Feb 12, 2018

Feb 8, 2018

The Fed's Top 5 Moments in Modern Olympic History

Feb 8, 2018

"Many believe that Michael Phelps would have brought home even more hardware had he not been injured in an attack orchestrated by Tonya Harding’s ex-husband Jeff Gillooly."

Feb 8, 2018

Feb 4, 2018

Rob Gronkowski Interrupts Belichick's Halftime Speech To Ask When The Game Starts

Feb 4, 2018

"Coach, I get the game plan. When can we go out there and get this thing going?"

Feb 4, 2018

Jan 30, 2018

Experts Unsure If Town Dystopian Wasteland or Just Upstate Suburb

Jan 30, 2018

"As of press time, the research team reported they had gotten 'blitzed' off of $7 vodka and had just purchased tickets to a Dave Matthews reunion tour show."

Jan 30, 2018

In Other News