Midday on Monday, September 9th, Niccolo Ricci a sophomore exchange student from Siena, Italy, embarked on a voyage to the East Village, planning to meet a friend for lunch at Malai Marke, a well known South-Asian eatery. Yet minutes after stepping onto the pavement outside McBain, Ricci unknowingly stumbled onto an uptown 1 Train, on its way into the annals of history. After an exhaustive journey, the oblivious explorer clattered onto the distant platforms of 145th street a transformed man.
As it dawned on our urban pioneer just how far from the bourgeois comforts of the East Village he stood, fear struck Ricci’s heart. Surrounded by alien speakers of a strange tongue, Ricci fled through the streets, passing bodega after bodega before finding relative safety in a nearby Starbucks where he called an Uber back to McBain, promptly ending his Odyssean journey.
Though his lunch plans may have been lost to time, the memory of Mr. Ricci’s exploratory efforts into the distant jungle of Harlem never will be; President Bollinger has already announced a rare Monday holiday to commemorate Ricci’s brave achievement.
In Other News
“At current rates, we can expect it to reach the other side of the street no later than May 2018.”
"JACOB TREMBLAY, from the wonderful film ROOM, is now my son. Polls LOVE him already!"
You wear Goodwill; I wear Canada Goose.
"She came over this break and, I swear to God, was just ripping some of the fattest clouds I'd ever seen."
"What does it mean to be a police officer with thousands of devices installed in your body to assist in fighting crime when you also like dudes?"
"Jesus, no I don't have any comment on what happened in Florida. Can't you see I'm busy here?"
"Jeez, I bet I look pretty ridiculous right about now."
"Many believe that Michael Phelps would have brought home even more hardware had he not been injured in an attack orchestrated by Tonya Harding’s ex-husband Jeff Gillooly."
"Coach, I get the game plan. When can we go out there and get this thing going?"