CARMAN HALL – When Max Greenblatt CC ‘21 first arrived at Columbia this Fall, he was thrilled to be entering into a challenging, rewarding, and diverse new chapter of his life.
But even in a city as forward thinking as New York, Greenblatt often felt like an outsider.
“When our orientation leader asked my group, 'Where are you from?’ I just froze up.” Greenblatt is among the thousands of Columbia students who cannot pin down their heritage to just one place. “My dad is from Pennsylvania, a real Scranton-ite,” said Greenblatt. “But Mom’s from Jersey City, born and bred.”
“What the hell am I supposed to tell people…‘the Northeast’? Like I’m just gonna lump Rhode Island in there too? Jesus Christ.”
Greenblatt, like many other multicultural students, says he could feel the tensions of his pluralistic background even before college. When signing up for the SAT, Greenblatt was shocked to find the only box applicable to him was ‘White.’ “I just can’t believe how vague that is,” said Greenblatt. “Where’s the box for Dutch-German-Norweigan-French?”
“Not to mention my fake ID says I’m from Connecticut,” added Greenblatt. “The life of a cultural nomad, I guess.”
At press time, Greenblatt was torn between Absolute Bagel and Nussbaum & Wu for breakfast.
"Just what I need to deliver an understated, disinterested broadcast."
"I’ve been donning the turban and scepter every Halloween since I was 6 years old, after all, and it’s never brought anything but delight to every one of my friends in Greenwich, Connecticut."
"I did feel like the original ending of instituting a Demilitarized Zone between the Koreas was a total cop out.”
"My audition is coming up, and the fact that you won’t let me run my lines by you while you’re watching TV is a textbook infringement on my right to free speech."
"Jesus, what a tease," exclaimed a still-parched local man.
Kushner can expect a deepening voice, hair growth under his armpits and around his groin, and new feelings of sexual arousal, according to Ben Carson, who was not questioned on the topic but felt compelled to share his knowledge.
“How will I find other casual sports fans who enjoy smoking a bowl or two?”
"That's a really gracious offer, and I do appreciate it -- but for the time being, I will have to pass."
"I've been good this week, and I should treat myself," said Freddy Simone, 25, after seven days spent doing the bare minimum at his job.
Mr. Ducovich was unfazed by the water; he removed his “Grill Master” t-shirt, and eagerly waded to the pool’s deep end. “Kids, don’t listen to your mother, it’s actually really refreshing,” he said.