CARMAN HALL – When Max Greenblatt CC ‘21 first arrived at Columbia this Fall, he was thrilled to be entering into a challenging, rewarding, and diverse new chapter of his life.
But even in a city as forward thinking as New York, Greenblatt often felt like an outsider.
“When our orientation leader asked my group, 'Where are you from?’ I just froze up.” Greenblatt is among the thousands of Columbia students who cannot pin down their heritage to just one place. “My dad is from Pennsylvania, a real Scranton-ite,” said Greenblatt. “But Mom’s from Jersey City, born and bred.”
“What the hell am I supposed to tell people…‘the Northeast’? Like I’m just gonna lump Rhode Island in there too? Jesus Christ.”
Greenblatt, like many other multicultural students, says he could feel the tensions of his pluralistic background even before college. When signing up for the SAT, Greenblatt was shocked to find the only box applicable to him was ‘White.’ “I just can’t believe how vague that is,” said Greenblatt. “Where’s the box for Dutch-German-Norweigan-French?”
“Not to mention my fake ID says I’m from Connecticut,” added Greenblatt. “The life of a cultural nomad, I guess.”
At press time, Greenblatt was torn between Absolute Bagel and Nussbaum & Wu for breakfast.
"Jesus, no I don't have any comment on what happened in Florida. Can't you see I'm busy here?"
"Jeez, I bet I look pretty ridiculous right about now."
"Many believe that Michael Phelps would have brought home even more hardware had he not been injured in an attack orchestrated by Tonya Harding’s ex-husband Jeff Gillooly."
"Coach, I get the game plan. When can we go out there and get this thing going?"
"As of press time, the research team reported they had gotten 'blitzed' off of $7 vodka and had just purchased tickets to a Dave Matthews reunion tour show."
“Honestly, after spending twenty minutes trying to find the Allen wrench I dropped under the couch, I’ve realized he was a terrible father."
6. My younger brother.
4. Kill the author of this article.
"Frankly, between seeing you at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and now this, I’m tired of your shit,” Grandma Ester tearfully remarked as she dug the ceremonial meat cleaver into her gnarled forearm.
"I swear, I saw him slide all the way from the top of the library steps down to the bottom right after it rained!"