LERNER HALL - For the 30th consecutive year, a first-year student in Columbia College has been widely declared the least employable individual at the fall career fair.
When contacted, Alan Star-Parson CC ‘20 gushed, "I knew when I decided to be a comparative literature major I had a chance to do something special, but it was really my philosophy concentration that made me believe the sky was the limit."
Star-Parson is the latest in the long line of first-years to be denied even a conversation from every employer booth, and even failed to grab the free swag that each company is so eager to pass out. As of press time, analysts forecast both a meteor strike and a nuclear winter before he finishes paying his tuition.
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