Let’s face facts: it’s not the 50s anymore. You can’t just go careening through life without thinking about the consequences of your actions. That’s right, to be a responsible member of society, you have to be a feminist. But what is feminism? The answer is simple. Feminism is when you touch a boob, but for love.
Dorothy Sayers once wrote “Wherever you find a great man, you will find a great mother or a great wife standing behind him -- and then that man touches her boobs.” There’s a lot to unpack here. When you touch a boob, you can feel the struggle of women everywhere. Some boobs are hard, because being a woman is hard. But other boobs are very soft, because women are nice.
From Betty Friedan to Michelle Obama, women have cried out for justice and equality for generations. And when you touch their boobs, they get equality and everything is better.
Feminism is controversial, partly because there are a lot of misconceptions going around. Many people believe that there are multiple ways to be a Feminist, but they’re wrong. Feminism is about how you touch a boob.
You might be asking yourself, “How long do I have to touch a boob to be a Feminist?” The good news is you can touch the boob for as long as you want, it just has to be for love.
Now, some of the boobs are not that good, but that’s okay. Some people are turned away from Feminism because they don’t want to touch the boobs that are bad. However, what you need to understand is that you don’t have to touch all the boobs, you just have to touch a boob. But make sure when you’re doing it you’re touching the boob for the right reasons.
Now you are a Feminist.
IN OTHER NEWS
Beware: anyone who approaches Alphadouchies will likely succumb to verbal abuse rooted in insecurities.
“I don’t need your pity. But I do need you to buy this pan flute CD for $5.”
“She said she had sent me a package, and I thought it was going to be some flip-flops or a swimsuit or some shit like that."
"I’m starting to miss the familiar, raw sting of alcohol funneling into my rectum."
“We all look the same except for that one brunette, but usually we make her take the photo anyways, so we should be fine."
"To all those people who revel in moist novels like Infinite Jest and scoff at bony novellas like Of Mice and Men, this list is for you."
"In the future, we will work harder to ensure that students cannot understand anything from the lectures or notes."
"Why go to the bathroom when I can relieve myself right in the NoCo chair I’ve nested in for the past 13 days?”
"I really can’t tell if he’s just being friendly, or wants to tie me up and slather me in some homemade barbecue sauce."