Let’s face facts: it’s not the 50s anymore. You can’t just go careening through life without thinking about the consequences of your actions. That’s right, to be a responsible member of society, you have to be a feminist. But what is feminism? The answer is simple. Feminism is when you touch a boob, but for love.
Dorothy Sayers once wrote “Wherever you find a great man, you will find a great mother or a great wife standing behind him -- and then that man touches her boobs.” There’s a lot to unpack here. When you touch a boob, you can feel the struggle of women everywhere. Some boobs are hard, because being a woman is hard. But other boobs are very soft, because women are nice.
From Betty Friedan to Michelle Obama, women have cried out for justice and equality for generations. And when you touch their boobs, they get equality and everything is better.
Feminism is controversial, partly because there are a lot of misconceptions going around. Many people believe that there are multiple ways to be a Feminist, but they’re wrong. Feminism is about how you touch a boob.
You might be asking yourself, “How long do I have to touch a boob to be a Feminist?” The good news is you can touch the boob for as long as you want, it just has to be for love.
Now, some of the boobs are not that good, but that’s okay. Some people are turned away from Feminism because they don’t want to touch the boobs that are bad. However, what you need to understand is that you don’t have to touch all the boobs, you just have to touch a boob. But make sure when you’re doing it you’re touching the boob for the right reasons.
Now you are a Feminist.
IN OTHER NEWS
"There are still some holdouts who experience brief moments of fleeting happiness."
Look! It's a cloud of buzz words!
"It is not just a pathetic excuse for a meal; it is an affront to the values upheld by our well-nourished Founding Fathers."
"I don’t pay nearly $70,000 a year to go more than a week without being offended."
"I've never met more flabby human beings, except for every other semester I've taught here."
"The post-war resurgence of female domesticity? That’s my aesthetic. And, oh my god, Republican Motherhood? Now that’s a deep cut."
"I was ordered to teach a class of 18-year-old little shits some easy beach reads, like the Iliad and To the Fucking Lighthouse."
Additional reports will not be given as this story develops, because not one person cares.
"I used to do a ten second plank every morning, but I had to cut that in half so I could have enough time to sleep."