Let’s face facts: it’s not the 50s anymore. You can’t just go careening through life without thinking about the consequences of your actions. That’s right, to be a responsible member of society, you have to be a feminist. But what is feminism? The answer is simple. Feminism is when you touch a boob, but for love.
Dorothy Sayers once wrote “Wherever you find a great man, you will find a great mother or a great wife standing behind him -- and then that man touches her boobs.” There’s a lot to unpack here. When you touch a boob, you can feel the struggle of women everywhere. Some boobs are hard, because being a woman is hard. But other boobs are very soft, because women are nice.
From Betty Friedan to Michelle Obama, women have cried out for justice and equality for generations. And when you touch their boobs, they get equality and everything is better.
Feminism is controversial, partly because there are a lot of misconceptions going around. Many people believe that there are multiple ways to be a Feminist, but they’re wrong. Feminism is about how you touch a boob.
You might be asking yourself, “How long do I have to touch a boob to be a Feminist?” The good news is you can touch the boob for as long as you want, it just has to be for love.
Now, some of the boobs are not that good, but that’s okay. Some people are turned away from Feminism because they don’t want to touch the boobs that are bad. However, what you need to understand is that you don’t have to touch all the boobs, you just have to touch a boob. But make sure when you’re doing it you’re touching the boob for the right reasons.
Now you are a Feminist.
IN OTHER NEWS
She is distraught that Joey has not responded to her calls for weeks about his care package and that nice girl from Bacchanal.
You can’t be emasculated by this guy. He’s got a ponytail, 1970s aviator glasses, and pink socks under his L. L. Bean boots.
Sixth Floor: PART OF THE COLUMBIA CS CLUB
Seventh Floor: PROFOUND AND EVERLASTING LONELINESS
Eighth Floor: WRITES FOR SPEC
For your reference, a good rule of thumb for networking is that, if Mo Bamba played in the background for 75% of our conversation, I probably don’t intend to strike up a professional relationship.
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Otis Wofford, CC ’22, expressed his discontent with the decision. “Women, men and gender non-conforming folks being a part of the same institution? The social justice warriors are out of control.”
At first we thought our challenges wouldn’t be insurmountable. We thought that with discipline, resolve, and a heavy dose of hard work, Spec would persevere.
But then came the op-eds.
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