NEW YORK - Seeing their accomplished fellow dominate national media this summer, plastic objects across the country have taken Melania Trump's inspiring story to heart. "Melania's fame has lifted the aspirations of a generation of imported goods," said a Chinese-manufactured travel mug working the shelf at a Midtown Starbucks. "She is an emblem of the American Dream for the billions of non-biodegradables who come to this country every year."
Plastic materials, which have long been denied the rights and opportunities cherished by all Americans, have new hope that their post-recycling offspring will enjoy a better product life cycle than they had. "She made me realize my potential," said a storage bin at the Chelsea Container Store. “I know I’ll have to work tough jobs for years to come. But maybe one day, I too will handle the president’s junk.”
However, Melania’s heartening rise has done little to allay many plastics’ fear of planned obsolescence. “Donald keeps tossing away old models after a few years,” a homeless iPhone 4 case complained. “I don’t know why he always has to have the newest one.”
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1. Stimulate James McShane to near ecstasy at the mere mention of “theft alert.”
Learn a thing or two from the Fed's wisest.
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"Columbia must have been his safety school. Anyone with a dick that nice applied to Harvard early.”