RUGGLES HALL - Josh Goldsmith CC ‘18 shook his head as he peered down at the mysterious envelope he received in the mail. “I’m not entirely sure what this is, but I think it’s a Netflix bill,” said the future Goldman Sachs analyst, scrutinizing his account charges. “I can’t even tell how much they’re asking for.”
Goldsmith was confused when, checking his mailbox for the first time in five months, he found the small paper parcel emblazoned with a Netflix logo. “Why don’t they just send me this stuff online? Then I could just forward it to my parents,” Goldsmith complained. “I guess I could send this up to Westchester, too, except I’m not entirely sure how that works.”
When told that he could send the video streaming company a check enclosed in the return envelope, Goldsmith looked mystified. “I’ll just ask my roommate for his password."
IN OTHER NEWS
“If this is what it takes to mend the racial scars of American society, it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make,” said Greenwood.
“Exposing Westchester’s kids to this kind of disease is nothing short of morally repugnant,” said local activist group FreeEdu. “If you want to do justice to teaching America’s colonial past, you should be giving them smallpox instead.”
He’s also eyeing a presidential run.
“At current rates, we can expect it to reach the other side of the street no later than May 2018.”
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